Love Song (LGBTQ+) (COMPLETED)

19. Listener

Honestly, I was just as apprehensive as he was. I mean, what happened the last time I was alone together with a boy I hadn't known very well? With arms crossed, I took a miniature step backwards as he continued to make his way further into the room. Lucas seemed harmless enough to everyone, but so had Devin to some degree. Devin was the picture perfect student, a poster child of what every high school student should've been. Nobody would have thought that his reputation was a castle built on lies, that was just a ludicrous thought.

"Stop." I reached behind me, feeling for something I could use for defense in the worst case. "I'm going to scream."

If Lucas was the same type of person, what was stopping him right then? Nothing at all. Even if he was smaller, he still had more than enough strength to pin me down and cover my mouth. Maybe it was the lack of sleep altering my judgement, but my mind seemed to be convinced that he was lying about who he was, and that lead me to assuming the worst.

"Whoa. Hold on, hold on." he took a step back. "I just want to ask you about your girlfriend."

Just as suddenly as I had put it up, my guard dropped like a poisoned fly. I mean, it was pretty obvious Lucas wouldn't hurt someone. Neither his body language or attitude said it, yet I had jumped the gun and proclaimed him something that most men would never be, or would want to be. Taking a sharp breath, I made my way to my bed and fell onto it back first. Now staring at the roof, I was left waiting for him to speak up.

The weight of the mattress shifted as he sat next to me. "How did you know that you liked girls?

"I didn't at first. She came out of nowhere and told me that she was in love with me." I felt the tingling fall down my spine as her smile that night came to mind. "I never saw her the same after she kissed me that night, and before I could realize it myself, I was just head over heels for her."

The fact of the matter was that I didn't really know if I was a lesbian or bisexual, nor had I really cared all that much. If a time was to come where my orientation was going to be tested, then I would've dealt with it then, but it hadn't yet. Being in love with Grace was never about gender or orientation, she was so much more than that. She made me feel so much more than that. All the times I felt like I was living for nothing vanished when I saw her. I was given purpose.

"But I think it kinda works the same way as any crush, straight or not." I rolled onto my side and caught an unexpected smile in the full-length mirror that was embedded into the wall. "Why do you want to know?"

Lucas turned to his left, bringing his knee onto the bed as he ran his fingers through his curly brown hair. ". . .I think I'm gay."

I already had a vague idea, and he confirmed it. The question he started with honestly spelled it out, but I hadn't been totally sure. I wasn't about to say he was gay and be wrong. I mean, I wasn't a man, but I think that would be soul-crushing to a straight guy. Wouldn't it? Maybe it'd been my own inexperience with love or a lack of delicacy, but a small laugh had fallen out of my mouth and into his ears.

Pushing myself up, I came face to face with his vaguely reddened face and embarrassed expression. In no way did I mean to offend him, I just thought his nervousness was kind of cute. Lucas was trying to come out to me in so many ways, and I hadn't made it any easier on him. Just thinking of the night Grace told me her own feelings, I was able to remember how nervous she was herself.

Being open and showing feelings were hard enough, even to strangers. When it came to sexuality and preferences, it only became that much tougher. The hardest part comes when you have to tell someone that you see every day that you aren't normal. You aren't what they expected you to become, to grow into. You're different from the vision they had of you and for you. You've torn down their fantasy of your life being normal and perfect, they no longer know what to imagine or what to see.