Compunction (noun): A feeling of guilt that prevents or follows the doing of something bad.
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Jennie~
I couldn't process everything that just happened. My husband's stupid girlfriend tried to get at me. My father... I don't even want to call him that anymore.
I broke down into tears.
It hurts way too much. The family that I cherished the most- I didn't know it could break apart this easily.
The words my mom used when she was explaining things to me... she didn't want it to hurt for me, but I still felt the pain in her voice. It was killing me, and I just wanted to go hug and comfort her.
The best pain reliever is sleep. Sleep, and you'll feel better when you wake up.
But what if I wanted to sleep but couldn't?
I'm physically and mentally tired. I feel so weak.
I went downstairs and took some bottles of alcohol from the covers. If I drink these, I'll fall asleep and forget all the pain.
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Hyunjin~
I finally arrived home after hanging out at Felix's for a while. I noticed that Nayeon's heels weren't there anymore- guessing that she probably left already.
I felt dehydrated, so I went to the kitchen to go get some water. I suddenly stepped on small shards of glass- wine was spilled allover the floor, thank goodness I had my slippers on.
"Jennie, what happened here?" I yelled but she never responded.
I looked around the kitchen, and suddenly saw an unconscious body on the ground.
My mind went blank. Completely blank.
"Jennie..." I panicked while trying to sit her back up. I listened to her chest, but it seems as if her breathing has completely stopped.
I didn't know what to do. My mind is now allover the place- my hand rapidly shaking. I got my phone from the back of my pocket, and immediately called 119.
She smelled like alcohol. The broken bottles allover the floor were empty- about six bottles of wine and beer.
Why did she do this to herself?
Why did I let it go this far?
_________________________
Hyunjin~
I waited for the doctor's follow up. I wanted to know if she was alright- what really happened.
I'm scared. I can't lose her.
"Hwang Hyunjin? Are you the husband?" A doctor came up to me and I nodded in response. "We diagnosed her with alcohol poisoning, due to binge drinking. Luckily, your wife is fine and so is your baby girl."
"I'm glad to hear that they're okay..." I sighed in relief. "Baby girl?"
"We had to do an ultrasound, to make sure that the child wasn't harmed. Sorry for ruining it's gender reveal." The doctor laughed in embarrassment.
Once we arrived in Jennie's room, she still laid there unconscious. The doctor explained to me how she's sober, and will probably take a few days to wake up.
Seeing her lying there, strings and wires attached onto her body, beeping sounds, machinery and devices to let me know that she's holding on...
I really could have lost her.
I sat beside Jennie's bed and held her hand, in hope for her to wake up.
I stared at her for a while, and it's still there. My feelings for her. But I ruined our relationship so damn much, and it's clearly impossible to go back. It would never be the same again.
All I could do now, is to take care of her and our baby. I can't let her go through this again- I never wanted this to happen.
Flashback*
"Hun, please hold on. The ambulance is coming... please don't leave me." I bawled.
She started breathing again, but only a bit. About once every ten seconds.
It felt like hell for me to see her this way.
The paramedics came and put her on a stretcher, immediately pumping oxygen through her airway. They checked her vital signs and everything, before finally putting her inside the ambulance.
I came with them, and held her hand throughout the whole ride. The whole "fifteen minutes" to get there felt like an eternity to me.
When we finally arrived, they quickly took her to the ER- leaving me speechless. It was hectic. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do.
I could have prevented this.
It's all my fault.
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Update on my life: I just did three tests this week. I'm currently deceased + have another test next week:///
Song: O3ohn (오존) — Shine Your Star (Prod by. ZICO)
