35 | saudade

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Saudade (noun): A feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia- felt when yearning for someone who is not there.

Hyunjin~

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Hyunjin~

I ran inside the airport, telling myself that she's still here. She didn't even say goodbye to me in person. If she wanted to leave me completely, why wasn't there any closure? For sure, this isn't the end.

"Was there a flight to New Zealand today?" I asked one of the workers.

"Yes, the plane just left ten minutes ago."

Damn it.

Ten fucking minutes.

That's how long it took for her to leave me. I was late for ten damn minutes- I should have made the slight effort to run instead of walk.

If only I got here ten minutes earlier.

_________________________

Jennie~

"Where's your baby? Is she with Hyunjin?" My mom and dad asked, once they picked me up from the airport.

"I'll tell you later..."

The whole ride back to our house felt like a wave of nostalgia. This is where I grew up... before I messed up my life.

"How's Eunha? Do you have pictures of her?" My dad asked with so much enthusiasm. I'm glad that my parents are still okay with each other, even after what happened. They really do love me.

"I lost the baby..." I explained to them that it was all because of stress. I also told them about Hyunjin and I's relationship- what really happened behind their back. How I left him, because I couldn't do it anymore.

My parents were in tears after hearing about it. Especially my mom, because she can relate.

"Don't cry..." I was also on the verge of crying, but I didn't want to show them my weakness. "It already happened. I can't do anything about it."

"We're sorry for making you go through all that alone. No wonder why Hyunjin kept on opposing whenever we mentioned the wedding- we really shouldn't have forced you two. We're very sorry." My dad hugged me.

"It's not your fault at all. I thought Hyunjin and I could work things out- it was my mistake. I gave in too easily. My thoughts and expectations were way too unrealistic. My life isn't a book nor a movie, I'm just a normal person. I was way too delusional."

"You deserve the best, sweetie. I would never forgive that guy for what he's done to you!" My mom screamed in anger.

"No, eomma. It was you who taught me that it's not good to leave hatred in your heart, because it would only pile up. I've forgiven him and I'm not angry."

"You really do love him." My dad added.

"I do, but he doesn't feel the same way... it's alright. Things don't work out the way you want it to, sometimes. I'll just have to go forward and not look back anymore."

"You've grown up so much." My mom bawled as she embraced me tightly.

__________________________

Jennie~

"Hi, I'm Zoe! Are you my big sister?" This little girl stared at me with big doe eyes. She has brown hair, fair skin and double eyelids. You could tell that she's obviously mixed race.

"Yes, I am! How old are you, Zoe?" I kneeled down in front of her.

"Seven. My brother's twelve years old- he's better than me at everything, because he's older." She pouted.

"Everything? Could your brother braid hair as well?" I asked her and her eyes suddenly lit up. "See! You're really awesome too."

"You're a cool sister. I like you." She hugged me.

My heart felt so full after that. It somehow reminded me of Eunha- what if I actually gave birth to her? In a few years, she would have been this big as well.

"Noona? Is that you?" I suddenly felt a tight hug from behind. I turned around and saw a tall boy hugging me. "Dad always talks about you! I'm so happy to finally meet you."

"Joshy?" I looked at him and smiled. I've actually never met him, but dad has talked about both of them before. "You're way taller than I expected. You're even taller than me!"

I gave them some gifts that I bought last minute before going to the airport. They seemed to really like it, thank goodness. I took them out to a kids café, in hope to get closer with them.

"Do you have a boyfriend? Is it hard being the girl in a relationship?" Josh suddenly asked out of nowhere while sipping his orange juice.

"I had one, but not anymore. It depends on the relationship. My experience as the girl- it did get very tiring, especially when things didn't work out anymore... why? Are you dating someone?"

"Yeah, I've been dating someone since year six. So about a year now? Ever since we started intermediate school, she's been ignoring me. She never broke up with me though."

"Wow, y'all are wild..." I chuckled but he seems really serious. "Maybe there's a reason why she's been acting that way. Do you ever spend time with her?"

"Well, not really. I've been very busy with sports lately." He sighed while taking a bite out of his cupcake.

"Then maybe you should go talk to her. I think that maybe she feels lonely..." I know that feeling way too well. "If you're really busy, then break up with her. Priorities first- you're still very young."

"But I really do like her. I've always felt this way towards her ever since kindergarten." Josh smiled at the thought of her.

"When you learn to love, you also have to learn how to manage your time and priorities. Sometimes, you just need to give your partner some space. Would you like to be stuck in a bottle?"

"No! I would suffocate and die." He laughed.

"Right? Sometimes you just need to breathe."

__________________________

Y'ALL I STUDIED FOR 10 HOURS STRAIGHT YESTERDAY W/O DISTRACTIONS I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED but I wanted to kms bc it was sooo tiring

+ btw, Idk why but I could imagine Zoe as Ella Gross asgwhw

Song: Day6 (데이식스) — 원하니까 Still
(I love me some Day6)

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