Reflections - Tay Jardine & Jenna McDougall (Wattys2015)

6 - Heart Song

Tay POV

Squidgy: how about you come over and we can talk about what happened

"Guys, I'm going out!" I yell and slip my shoes on.

"Be back before sound check." Mike says from somewhere in the bus.

"I will!" I run off the bus before any of the guys can see that I'm crying. I make my way to the Of Mice & Men bus, aggressively wiping the tears from my eyes with the heel of my hand. The door is open when I get there. I don't look up from the ground, but start screaming, "Austin you freaking liar! You lied to me! You said--" I stop when I see the only person standing in front of me.

Jenna.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I asked first."

"I stayed here last night."

I scoff. "What, are you sleeping with one of them now, too?"

"Excuse me?" She's offended.

"Where's Austin? He told me to come here so we could talk." Another quick wipe so she doesn't see the water spilling from my eyes.

"The guys just left for sound check."

"They're playing at eight. Why would they leave for sound check at," I check the time on my phone, "Eleven-twenty-six in the morning?"

"I don't know, but that's what he told me."

"Whatever."

"Are you okay? Austin said you didn't go to the party because you were sick."

"Actually, I was there. That's why I got sick."

"Did you see Jake 'sexy-dancing' on a table? Because that happens every time he gets drunk."

I chuckle. The gleam in her eyes grows. She knew that would make me happy. "I saw you and Derek kissing."

The gleam dies. "Oh."

I know I probably don't have the right to be mad. We're not even dating. But Austin told me that she likes me. She kissed Derek. Has she been leading me on?

Have I been leading her on?

"How could you do that to me?" My voice raises an octive.

"Do what?" Her tone matches mine. "I don't think I did anything to you."

"Were you even thinking at all last night?" I feel the droplets on my face, but let them fall anyway. "I knew Austin was lying to me." That part was a whisper.

"Tay, you're crying." She takes a step closer to me. I wipe the water, leaving my face raw and red. She stops.

"No shit, Captain Obvious."

"I'm sorry for whatever I did, but I need to know why you're mad."

"I already told you." I am trying my best not to scream at her.

"I kissed," I cringe at the word. She must have noticed, because she says, "I engaged in a certain activity with the lead singer of a certain band from New York."

Not the lead singer from a certain band from New York that I wanted her to engage in a certain activity with.

"But I don't know why it made you so mad? Tay, I need you to tell me."

She puts her hand on my arm. It comforts me. It is taking every fiber of my being to stay mad at her right now.

But is she the one I should be mad at?

Who then? Austin? Derek?

Myself?

"Tay? Tell me what's wrong."

"It's just," I take a deep breath. I shake my head. I have no idea how to convey these feelings into words.

"What did Austin lie to you about?" I shake my head again. "Tay, you can tell me." Her voice is soft.

"Austin told me that you liked me. He said he could tell by the way you looked at me. Obviously it was all bullshit."

"What if it wasn't bullshit?"

I push her hand off my arm. "It's fucking bullshit, Jenna! You kissed Derek. How could you be into me? There's a very big anatomical difference here."

"Kissing Derek wasn't my freaking idea! I was basically mouth-raped."

Another aggressive wipe to my face. "Don't lie just to make me feel better, okay. It just makes me feel worse."

"Tay, I'm not lying." I think I see a tear stream down her face. I never meant for it to be this bad. She was not even supposed to be here.

"I'm not even supposed to be having this fight with you right now. Austin was supposed to be here, not you. I should be yelling at him."

"We would've had this fight eventually." More tears fall out of her eyes.

"But then I would have had more time to be mad at you."

"Tay, please tell me you don't mean that."

I pinch my eyes shut and bite my bottom lip. "I can't."

"Taylor." My eyes open. No one has called me that in a while. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn't plan for any of this. Can we please just go back to how things were before that stupid party last night?"

I use the side of my thumb to wipe my eyes. "I don't know if things will ever be the same." I turn to leave. She grabs my wrist. "Jenna, please don't do this."

"I'm not letting you go. Not until we figure this out."

"What's left to figure out!" I yell, louder than I meant to. She is startled by this.

"Derek DiScanio means nothing to me. Okay? I care about you. I would never intentionally do something to hurt you."

She's still holding on to my wrist.

I brake down even harder. I fall to the floor, and Jenna comes with me.

"I can't fucking do this." I say. "Please just leave." I try to push her away.

She does not move.

"Taylor, listen to me. I am not leaving you until we can figure out what you're going through."

"What I'm going through? Did you really just ask me what I'm going through?" I stain the floor with tears, snot, and spit. "I like you Jenna. Like like you. Austin told me that you like me too. Then you go and kiss Derek fucking DiScanio!"

Her face falls. "I-I didn't know--"

"Of course you fucking didn't!"

"Let me finish." She says. She is surprisingly calm. "I didn't know that Austin was telling me the truth too."

Well there's the all time plot twist. "What?"

"Austin told me that you like like me. Tay, I like you too. Austin wasn't bullshitting either of us."

Find a girl and get married, do things that'll make your dreams.

Is Jenna my girl? Am I hers?

I do not know, but I want to take a headfirst dive into my future with her.

Every future starts with one action. I hold onto Jenna's shoulders and crash my lips into hers.

I pull away before I can see her reaction, and run like hell. My lungs are burning by the time I get back to my bus. I gently touched my fingertips to my bottom lip.

I finally think to myself, I just kissed Jenna McDougall.

　

So I got my computer fixed. <3

Vote, Comment, all that shite.

XoXo

~XhannahX