how to fall in love - jercy

1 - the one

p.j.

i have a crippling need to be touched all the time, but i'm so scared of people touching me. i want to be loved but i'm scared of ever falling in love. i want to be kissed but i'm scared of a person ever being near me.

i'm fidgety today. there's some itch that i can't quite scratch. my mind keeps itching towards my phone. i said i'd quit it. i said i'd delete.

"perce? you ready to go?" a voice said, waking me from my thoughts.

"yeah, yeah, of course."

i had agreed to go with grover and his girlfriend, juniper to a bar. god, i hated bars. the bathrooms are disgusting from drunk men peeing everywhere and throwing up. the air smells like stale alcohol- my least favorite smell. it's often dark and crowded and i just know that a football game will be playing on a t.v.

but grover is one of my closest friends. after all, i wouldn't want the two of them trying to stumble home drunk. i grabbed my keys.

"maybe you'll meet someone," grover says to me, his arm around juniper.

"maybe you'll meet the one," juniper says dreamily. they peck each other on the lips in my back seat. i shift my eyes back on the road and turn the radio louder, trying to drown out my thoughts.

the one. there is no the one for me. not me being the way i am. the one is only for people like grover and juniper. people who deserve it. after hearing "maybe it's the one!" the last few dates i've been on, i've given up on the one. i'd be happy with even just someone. someone who doesn't repulse me.

"we're here."

juniper and grover and i sit at a table. i get tired of them quickly. they kiss and then they drink and then they smooch again and they giggle and over and over in a cycle. the more they drink, the more they giggle and kiss. they're one of those drunks. i get up to "find the bathroom" once they start saying "i love you, no i love you more, no i love you more-"

i love grover and juniper but every time they start doing this, i want to throw up the drinks i didn't have.

the itch is back while i contemplate where to go. somewhere i can keep an eye on grover and juniper but far enough so that i don't have to deal with them and where no drunk will bother me. the corner. perfect.

i slide my phone out of my pocket and opened grindr. here i am again. back into my cycle of never meeting "the one" and just meeting "someone".

i swipe through faces and names that mean nothing to me. i get more comfortable in my seat. the itch is still there, but i'm not thinking about it.

"hey, can i sit here?"

i look up and forget to speak. there's a stranger talking to me. i'm trying to read his face, but all i can think about is juniper's voice floating through my head. i force the words out if my throat.

"o-of course,"

"sorry, it's just that there's no where else to sit and you look the least drunk."

i quickly tried to regain composure, slyly exiting grindr and turning off my phone.

"thanks. i don't really drink."

he was cute. there was something really clean and easy on the eyes about him. he wore a button up, buttoned all the way up except for one, sleeves rolled up. his eyes were the brightest blue eyes i'd ever seen... i just wanted to stare at them for a while...

"me neither. i'm jason, by the way."

jason... i let the name sit in my head as i studied his features. "i'm percy."

"well, percy why are you here alone if you don't drink?"

there was the faintest little scar that when over his lips and rippled and danced when he talked. i nodded towards where grover and juniper were kissing and giggling. "i'm third wheeling. why are you here?"

his face turned towards a short, latino dude talking to a much taller girl who seemed amused. "i'm here with stupid mcstupid. the guy didn't want to come alone, but wants to get chicks on his own. he doesn't even drink. he just comes because the girls are drunk enough to lower their standards and it's great for his self esteem."

"of course."

bzzt.

my phone buzzed in my pocket.

grover: ihéy percy ii found rrraxhel she can drive us home if u waæna leave haha

attached: a blurry selfie of grover and juniper with an unamused rachel in the background

"oh, looks like they got a ride."

we both turned to look at them. they were still kissing and giggling with the addition of rachel, looking annoyed.

jason smiled. "they really love each other."

"they've never had a real fight. any disagreement just ends with them crying and apologizing." i muttered. "i don't believe in true love, but they're the closest to it you can get."

"you don't believe in true love?"

"like, i don't believe in soulmates. i did once. didn't work out well." i say shortly, wondering how the conversation got so serious. "you?"

"i... i don't know. can't say that i have much experience in the love department. maybe you're right. you know in greek mythology, it's said that zeus split humans in half and cursed us to wander around in desperate search for our other halves. so maybe it's just you haven't met your other half because they could be anywhere in the world."

suddenly, i realized i haven't felt an itch to reach for my phone since i've been talking.

"well, you're a nice looking guy. surely it wouldn't be hard to find love for you. i'm sure your 'other half' would be all over you." i say glumly.

"i could say the same for you." he said, raising an eyebrow which just made him more annoyingly attractive.

"oh, i'm not soulmate material. the only place the way i look pays off is on grindr." i grumble.

now both of his eyebrows are up. he chuckles a little.

"hey, are you into... guys?"

"...yeah,"

"do you wanna get out of here?" i ask, fumbling for my keys.

"yeah." he glanced over at his friend who was showing the girl his shiny watch that looked expensive. she only looked mildly impressed. "definitely."

and i didn't even have to use my phone. maybe there's hope for me after all.