how to fall in love - jercy

10 - the sword

j.g.

"jason grace, what did you do?" hazel demanded. her golden eyes pierced through me critically.

"nothing! i..."

nothing. that's just it. i waited all this time and did nothing. i let her love me and did nothing. i played along and did nothing. nothing. nothing.

"i didn't want it to be like this," i muttered weakly. i sounded pathetic. at that moment, i wanted the ground to eat me up alive. i deserved it.

i wasted months of her time, letting her fall in love with a guy who never even existed. letting her become attached to a love that was never there. i lied to her everyday when i said, 'i love you,'. and when i finally manned up and told the truth, i took a piece of her.

hazel's face relaxed from anger to sadness and disappointment. "she's really hurt, you know."

"i know. i'm sorry. i really tried to give the best to her. i'm just not the one for the job." and the apology sounded so half hearted. i don't think she could ever forgive me. i don't know if i could if i were her. "you'll tell reyna that, won't you? that i'm sorry."

there was a notification sound from her phone.

hazel sighed. "i have to go. i'll see you around, jason."

as i stared at hazel's retreating back, my stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself with guilt. everything felt out of place. i felt so guilty for hurting her, and worse, i felt guilty for only thinking about myself - what if i couldn't love her because i can't love at all? i've felt more worse than i have in a really long time.

yet, no tears spilled from my eyes. not a single sob left the painful lump in my throat. because they weren't my tears to cry. i had no right to cry. she was the one in pain and i was the one with the sword.

i logged out of instagram. everything was going so well,but i just had to go back and look at my highschool friends' profiles. looking at her profile, she seems to be doing well for herself. she has over a thousand followers. even my sister follows her.

i ran my fingers through my hair. i wonder if it was true. that i was romantically interested in percy jackson. what if i had merely hallucinated my emotions? no, it can't be. even thinking about him makes my heart beat a little faster and my hair raise.

i can't help the sinking feeling that i'm only hurting him. that keeping this going, texting him everyday, and talking on the phone is only leading him off a cliff. i like him. i do. but what if it turns out like last time? what if i'm the one with the sword again?

but i never felt this kind of emotion before. i've never had my heart beat out if my chest at the mention of a name. i've never had my skin crawl at just the thought of his hands. it was exciting. and maybe... worth the risk.

i sent him a quick text.

me: if you're free, come over. i wanna talk to you.

percy: why

me: i miss hearing your voice

percy: omw right now