how to fall in love - jercy

24 - the future

j.g.

"what's wrong with mama? why's she in the hoss-pi-to?" i asked, looking up at thalia with big, sad eyes. i had just learned the word hospital because our mother had to be brought to the e.r.

she glances around at the stark white walls in the hallway as if searching for an exit or someone to help her. of course, there was no one. no nurses. no dad. just us two. she turned back to me and crouched so that she was eye level with me. her dark blue eyes had dulled down its intensity with worry and stress. her lips that used to smile all the time were pulled into a taught, straight line. her dark hair was longer, brushing her shoulders from neglecting it and not cutting it. she didn't look like herself anymore.

"listen, jason. mama... had a lot of problems." she said slowly. i stared up at her blankly. "she had an overdose."

"over... doze?" i asked, thinking and hoping that maybe she just fell asleep for too long. and that she'll wake up in a little bit.

thalia bit her lip that was chapped and cracked from licking it nervously. "overdose. meaning she did bad things and took medicine she wasn't supposed to and now she's very sick."

"but... but-" i stuttered, struggling to comprehend the situation. "the doctor's are going to fix her, right? and she'll be back to normal again!"

thalia kissed my forehead lightly. i could feel her hands shaking and quivering when she touched my face. "i love you, jason. and she loves you, too. we'll survive."

she didn't answer the question. i wanted to open my mouth and say, but she embraces me in her arms and shushes me and tells me i need a nap. she lets me go and looks at me sadly because she knows that i already know the answer.

there's the clanging of pots and pans, the smell of food, and warm chatter in the kitchen. i finally met percy's family.

sally asked us to help her prepare dinner.

sally and percy cook and navigate the kitchen like clockwork. perfectly in synch as if percy had come out of the womb cooking with his mom. he laughed and joked with her as they worked. my heart twisted in my chest.

"guys, i gotta hit the potty, hold on." percy announces. he unties his apron and leaves the kitchen.

shit. that means i'm alone with sally. my hands suddenly get clammy. my mind is racing to think of something to fill the silence. quick! make small talk.

"he still calls it the potty," i mused aloud.

"hasn't changed since he was four." sally mused lovingly. she sighs. "he'll always be my little trouble maker."

i laugh, but can't think if anything to say. sally speaks up again.

"he's never brought anyone he's dating home before." sally said. i raised my eyebrows. i guess percy never introduced luke to sally. "i know he's dated other people, but i've never met them. i think he's always been scared to. but... he brought you home. he must be crazy about you. you must be something special."

i guess he wasn't lying about me being his exception.

sally went on. "are you nervous?"

i think she caught on to how shakily i was cutting tomatoes.

"y-yeah. i'm pretty nervous."

"and why's that?"

"i don't think i'm special. i'm a little worried that you won't like me or think i'm good enough. it's a little silly, but i always get nervous when i meet new people. i just want everyone to like me so much all the time."

"just know that... i trust percy with everything. i've known him before he was even born. i know he's... selective when it comes to people he associates with. if percy likes you, we like you. you can be a three headed dog and we'd still like you if he does. percy knows you're something special. i believe him. if percy brings you into our house, you're one of us." she assures me softly.

i could feel a lump forming in my throat. it felt like there were claws clutching my esophagus. i was getting a little choked up. don't cry, jason, don't cry. be a big boy. don't cry.

"thank you," i manage to say shakily.

"i'm back, party people!" percy announces as he walks back into the kitchen. he pecks me on the cheek. "how's it going?" he asks me so only i can hear.

"good. actually great." i whisper back to him. he places his hand on my back for a quick moment before returning to cooking and i feel warmth spreading through my body.

we cook and eat dinner. i talk to paul, percy's stepdad about playing football in highschool. i talk to percy's little sister, estelle, about mermaids.

"and this one has a purple tail and this one has a pink tail which is why she's wearing a pink necklace." she babbles. "they're getting married."

"oh. that's sweet." i say to her in surprise.

"when are you and percy going to get married? can i be the flower girl?"

"when we do get married, i'll let you know and you can be the flower girl," percy assures her.

i looked at him in surprise, my cheeks turning pink. marriage. i've never even thought about it seriously. but now it's all connecting like dots and lines. stars turning into constellations. thread turning into stitches. i don't intend to leave percy. for as long as i can foresee in the future, percy is my forever. and this is my family.

sally gleams at us from the dining room table where she's sitting holding hands with paul. paul is laughing at estelle who's covering percy's face with thomas the tank engine sticker. and percy... percy grins at me with stickers all over his face, his eyes shining.

i see a future ahead of me with percy. i see a future with sally and paul and estelle. i see a future where we play board games as a family and eat dinner at a table. i see a future. and for the first time, i don't hate what i see.