fix it, felix

feelings

Months later

It was the first month of fall. Everything's in beautiful colours of autumn--brown, orange, and anything warm. The scent of pumpkin pie and cinnamon filled the air as Kat walked downtown, dropping off her laundry at a new laundromat much further--she didn't want to go to the other laundromat they used to go to, she's just going to feel unwell. Ah, I'm thinking about this again, she says, shaking her head. Once she mentions the list of reminders about her clothes to the attendant, she walks out of the laundromat and steps into the sidewalk, admiring the leaves scattered around, like confetti, people walking wearing a variety of trench coats and scarves and boots, carrying coffee or a bagel.

She felt her phone vibrate inside the pocket of her coat. The text was from Jisung. "Noona, where are you? I'm here now," the message said. Kat then replied. "I'm already walking Jisung. I'm near the shop, just a few more blocks away."

As she walked the distance to the coffee shop where she agreed to go with Jisung, because that guy wanted to treat his noona and make her feel a bit okay with her situation, she then thought of Jeongin, that little cutie who'd always bring her cookies or cupcakes to brighten up her day. Hyunjin once mentioned that he'd sometimes see Jeongin searching for new recipes on Google or watch some baking shows on YouTube. That made her heart warm, and the thought always made her smile, but there's this void that she can't seem to ignore...what is that feeling?

"Ah, noona. You're here," Jisung greets her with his usual cheeky smile. He kept his phone inside the pocket of his jeans--Jisung's wearing a knitted khaki sweater, and black fitted jeans with his blonde hair disheveled, as if he just got out of bed.

He has ordered for them, as usual. "You took so long, noona." Jisung pouts, cutting into his cheesecake

She took her coffee and added some cream, "Ya, I told you didn't I? I dropped my laundry off. And I wanted to walk because I need exercise. I've been stuck in bed for weeks...ah, I knew this is going to affect me like this..."

"Noona," Jisung calls her. "Is it just me or you're...pale? Or is it just the makeup?" Jisung says, his brows furrowed, looking at her.

"What?" Kat looked at her reflection at a mirror on a wall. Ah, I'm pale. She shrugged, as if it was nothing. "Just the makeup...been using a liquid foundation lighter than my skintone."

Jisung tsked. "Seriously, Kat noona, I thought you're not feeling well. I may not know a lot about makeup but please use something closer to your skintone, aigu." He reaches out to ruffle Kat's hair.

"Ya, don't treat me like your dongsaeng, Jisung--" Kat replied, annoyed, but Jisung chuckled and said sorry.

Oh. She knows that feeling.

"You know, Hyunjin told me he sees Jeongin searching for cookie recipes....and then after that, Jeongin would ask him to help bake. And the morning after that, they'd deliver the cookies to me," Kat says, stirring her coffee. She smiled.

Jisung nodded as he chewed a piece of his cheesecake, "Yeah. Sometimes he lets us taste test before he gives them to you."

Kat chuckled. "I bet Chris helps him bake, too. Y'all are so sweet, seriously. I'm glad you're my friends."

Jisung smiled sincerely. "Of course. You're our noona, after all. We can't let you be sad, you know. Because it hurts us when we see you sad. You know in your heart he doesn't want you to be sad too, right?"

She feels empty. That's what it is.

She grinned. "Don't make me cry, you squirrel. I already miss him, don't make me miss him more."

"I miss him too...we all miss him. The only thing we can do is cheer up. Remember noona, it ain't over."