Loving River

Loving thirty-one

"Sometimes it feels so good that it hurts.."

Semmy Carson

"I think we should break up.." I murmured, feeling my heart shatter into more than a million pieces once I let those cruel words out of my mouth.

"W-what?" He looked at me nothing but confused and the light in his eyes slowly faded away which definitely made a knife pierce through my racing heart. "Semmy! No, no, no! Don't you dare to do this! What happened? I don't even get why you're doing this!" He begged me while his angelic voice broke down as he was looking at me with his puppy gray eyes in a helpless way. His dark hair fell in front of his eyes, I tried to surpress the urge to push the strands away.

He wasn't mine anymore.

I held my breath in from the painful view. This was something I wasn't able to forget easy, especially because the person I loved the most seemed to let his tears flow like rivers whilst his strong walls broke down; revealing all the dark sadness inside this boy that was now out for the entire world to see.

To feel. I felt it too.

The mood changed like the heavy wind storm in front of the shining sun; the red heartshaped happiness turned in a dark feeling of pure sadness that swirled around in the wind.

As if our colorful flowers died, the highest mountains cracked open and the biggest stars fell down; crashing on us earth without any care. The feelings around it were indescribable if you have ever felt it.

And this was something against what I wanted, because if I could I would have been the man to make him feel loved and I would have been the man that would make him feel proud about himself. I would have been his future husband if I could. But eventually I knew I had to do this, for him and his happiness that was what mattered the most to me.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered, sucking up the tears.

I wanted the best for him and I most definitely couldn't give him that, I wasn't good enough for him so I put my own feelings aside for now. I let him go; I thought as I walked further into the cold snow towards my house.

Just as cold as I was.

24 hours earlier.

My smile was as wide and bright as the dancing stars in my colored skies. I softly sang to myself and walked around the empty hallways, towards my class. Unfortunatly River had practice early so I was alone for now.

Things were really good these days between River and I. We went on romantic dates, slept over at each other's places, made fun of each other and cuddled a lot. There was no pressure between us, just our strong connected love with a lot of laughing.

It was just him and I.

My heart unconsiously beated faster as familiar tingles prickled on my fingertips as I was thinking about River. His beautiful gray eyes were open and bright, they easily let me in his heart. His golden hair had this glow around them. And his loving warmth always crawled up my skin, creating a weird slow motion between the two of us. I was addicted to the many different effective sparks and tingles that my body received from him, making me miss his warm big arms around my small body. Oh and how his cheeky jokes always made me blush, or how I daydreamed the whole day whenever I miss that boy.

Every single touch of him was one to never forget, he had the power to make me feel things that others never did. In my eyes he was glowing especially cause of his personality, he was too nice for a world like this. He genuinely made the world seem like a better place even if my past wasn't the best. I was more than thankfull for everything he did to help and protect me. He always had his way to make me feel complete and good again; he was my best friend for years after all. But I don't know what it was about him, he just had something that drew me in from the start. Something that I needed and wanted to have for the rest of my life and I think I finally have that.

We perfectly filled one another. And I knew neither of us would let each other go, ever.

"Mitchell!" I yelled scared when I ran into him and tried to back up, only to see his friends standing behind me.

Shit.. No, I always have such bad luck.

Mitchell walked dangerously close to me and smashed me roughly against the lockers so I had no way out. A pain shot up to my back that made me moan soft.

"Listen you dirty little cocksucker! You are gonna pay for last time! If it wasn't for your boyfriend, we would have beated your ass to pulp by now!" He yelled, roughly grabbing my shirt in his fists as my eyes widened in fear. "You are gonna break up with him! Because you aren't good enough for him! Nobody wants you! He belongs to Lucy, not some weird gay boy" He glared agressively.

I could never break up with him, it would tear me down mentally and physically.

Was he right? Did River deserve someone like Lucy?

"B-but-" I tried to protest but got cut off.

"And if you tell River anything about this again, you are dead! You hear me?" He murmured low, glaring at me with his dark eyes which made me want to run away. "You hear me!?" He yelled louder when I didn't answer which made me flinch as I could feel my heart beating faster.

"O-okay! Okay!.. I w-will b-break up with him.." I pouted in defeat as I was trying not to burst out in tears, knowing I had no chance against them.

I'm so sorry River..