Symphony for the Dark (Kylo Ren x Reader)

6

An ugly concoction of chords resonated through your house as you frustratedly slammed your hands against the keys of the piano. "It just doesn't sound right! No matter what I try to change, it's still wrong!" You fall forward against the music shelf and let out a short scream that you had been holding in for too long.

Since talking to both General Hux and Commander Ren, you had been working tirelessly on their respective pieces. All of the progress on Hux's composition had been a breeze. For some reason, inspiration hit you like an Imperial Cruiser at light speed. Everything you put down on paper not only worked from a technical aspect, but it sounded great too. You knew that inspiration and motivation like this came once in a blood moon, so you ran with it. Sure, that led to some relatively sleepless nights, but it was worth it. In the short span of just a couple of weeks, you had been able to write a full-fledged cello concerto, and you were beyond excited to share it with the First Order general.

The composition for Commander Ren, on the other hand, was giving you more trouble than you'd anticipated. Absolutely nothing was working out properly. You knew what chord progressions spelled out anger, but it needed to also feel controlled and purposeful... so you'd had to start over. It couldn't just be loud, smashing chords with an impossible number of modulations into different, bigger, more dramatic keys. It needed to encapsulate power, control, and anger (the only three words you had as inspiration, which limited your creative thinking). Starting from scratch again, you had written a full page that was powerful, but it didn't sound right. Ultimately, that draft was tossed in the bin along with all of the other failed attempts. 

You knew what you wanted it to be-- overwhelming, beautiful, and almost frightening. You knew how you wanted everyone to feel while listening to the music, but absolutely nothing worked. The chord transitions were underwhelming. The key changes you had tried to write were more disgusting than bantha crap. Everything felt off... but you still wanted to stick with the sound you had in your head, so it was down to the continual process of trial and error.

Constantly, your mind was drawn back to the original message from Hux, saying that you had four months until everything needed to be ready. It felt like plenty of time, but already half of a month had flown by. It was discouraging to see so little progress on Kylo's music, but you kept reminding yourself that there was still time to write and rehearse it- but the main problem of figuring out what on Hoth this man wanted had no resolution in sight.

"Just suck it up and message him," You began chastising yourself as you stood from the piano bench. "You have finally gotten the hang of using the holopad, so do it. Everything will be much easier if you just ask him a few more questions about what he wants." You looked towards the ivory keys of the piano and sat back down, suddenly feeling much more nervous about the idea of initiating a conversation with Kylo Ren. "Maybe later... Maybe he'll message me."

In the middle of your minor dilemma, you jumped at the familiar ringing of the holopad, which you had set on the lid of the piano, praying for the strength to send a message to Kylo about...well, about anything that may help you get over this inability to compose. You were quick to catch on to what the different ringtones meant, and you knew that this sound meant someone wanted to communicate via holographic transmission. A glance at the screen of the holopad revealed the title of Commander Ren. 

"Or maybe he'll call me," you muttered.

Less than a second after you pressed against the screen to accept the transmission, the blue figure of the First Order commander materialized in the space next to the piano you were seated at. "Good afternoon, Miss (L/N)," he said, sounding as mechanic as ever with the two layers of alterations to his voice.

"Commander Ren." You politely smiled in response. You should have been much more nervous than you were. You should have been terrified of speaking to this extremely powerful person, but for some reason, you felt almost comfortable when he was speaking to you. It must be because the relief of knowing you won't have to send him a message overwhelmed the sense of anxiety that you would have felt.

"I would like an update on the music."

And there it was. With a single sentence, he was able to drown you in a fresh wave of dread. "It's... coming along. However, there are a few things that I have been meaning to contact you about. Would you be opposed to answering a few questions, sir?" You tried your hardest to avoid the actual status of the music, knowing he'd probably be disappointed to hear that it was hardly even started. More than anything, you wanted to take this opportunity to squeeze some more inspiration out of him. If he would only answer a few questions with more than one-word responses--

"Coming along?" His tone was tense and baffled. You didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't that. "What exactly does that mean?"

"Well," You said, turning to look at the sheet music that was set in front of you at the piano. It was a mess. Entire lines crossed out with angry scribbles; measures that had been written, erased, re-written, and re-erased more times than you could count; and chord progressions sloppily written below empty measures in an attempt to fill in the blank spots. "I'll be honest and say that it is taking me slightly longer than normal to come up with some of the finer details, but I have managed to come up with some themes and variations that I think are quite... fitting."

"That should be news that sounds proud and exciting, but why do you sound so... anxious?" As Kylo questioned you, you're stomach dropped. You knew that you couldn't demand answers from one of the most powerful and deadly men in the universe, but you desperately wanted to get off the topic of what his music sounded like right now.

You didn't know what to say. In any other situation with any other client, you would have just told them to have some patience-- that writing music takes time and doesn't happen in a day. You should have been in control of this situation, but you knew that Kylo wasn't the type to let someone else tell him how things work. Instead, you stayed painfully quiet. In this silence, you felt... a sort of tingling sensation near the back of your head. As the tingling grew slightly stronger, you shook your head to pull out of the space your mind had wandered to.

"I would like to hear some of it... please." The tenderness with which he spoke floored you. The big bad Kylo Ren just politely, gently, and kindly asked you to play what you had written. 

You wanted to stare at him in shock and disbelief. You wanted to ask him to repeat himself because you surely didn't hear him correctly. He couldn't possibly have spoken to you in that tone of voice. He sounded so... genuine.

It took you a minute to respond, but you finally managed to squeak out a quiet "Of course" before turning back to face the keyboard. You steadied yourself and looked at the pitiful piece of staff paper on the music stand. It was practically barren. Looking over your notes, you hoped it would be enough. With one last deep breath to steady yourself, you let your hands drop into the first downbeat of the piece. As your fingers glided across the keys of the piano, moving from chord to chord with a few improvisatory flourishes, you were trying to only focus on the emotion of the music. You pushed away your fear and tried to channel all of your recent frustrations with writing the music into what you were playing. If he wanted anger, this just might have been the best catalyst for you to create it in your music. It seemed to form a more cohesive musical idea than it did earlier today, which was stunning considering the fact that it was nearly the exact same composition. 

In less than two minutes, you were finished playing what was written on the page. You waited with bated breath for Kylo's reaction. In the unbearable silence, you turned to face him. Of course, you were unable to judge any physical reaction to the music due to his face being covered and the fact that he seemed to be one of the least emotional people you knew of.

When he finally spoke, it felt like his voice shattered the silence. "Is that all?"

"For now, yes." Your response was small and almost an apology.

Silence. Again.

The anxiety and tension were utterly overwhelming. The air seemed to get heavier and heavier with each passing millisecond as he made you suffer in silence. In a desperate attempt to save yourself, you asked, "Did you enjoy it?" 

More silence.

"Was it satisfactory?" You tried again, giving a question that demanded a less emotionally-complex response.

"It was... in need of improvement."

And with that, the transmission ended, the projection of Kylo left the room, and everything was exactly as it was just minutes before. Well, exactly the same besides the fact that you felt even more defeated, frustrated, and uninspired than ever before.