I Wouldn't Love You Enough // Harry Styles ✓ [wattys 2020]

32. Sorry

You know that moment, when you actually feel your world crashing down to your feet? When you feel every single piece of your heart falling apart?

I felt as though I couldnt move. At all. I was frozen. It was hard to take all of this information in such a short amount of time. Anna was carrying my baby. It was a boy.

Tears roll down my cheeks like flowing rivers. My throat is twisted up and I feel emotions flooding into my body. I feel them hit me all together.

It was all so silent in the room. Only the sounds of my heavy breathing filled the dead silence. I closed my eyes and leaned my head up towards the ceiling.

"Why?!" My broken voice screams. I scream at the top of my lungs taking all of it out. All of what has been dying inside of me to let it out. I scream and scream till my voice breaks.

Never in my entire life have I felt so vulnerable. I wipe the tears from under my eyes. I fold the paper in half and put it in my pocket. I walk to her wardrobe and open the little drawer inside. I shuffle through all her makeup to find a photo.

All the unwanted tears come back and blur my vision. My hands shake as I look at the picture of the sonogram. A soft whimper escapes my lips. Looking at the picture of the baby makes my heart shatter a little more.

I put the picture in my wallet and then clutch the girraffe by my side and walk to the car. I sit and slam the door close. I take a deep breathe, trying to calm myself.

I think about our future. Anna baking cakes for my little child on his birthday. The litle guy would have no clue about whats happening around him. He would have no clue of how much love he would be showered. Or how I would teach him to ride a bicycle. Or how we would go ice skating.

"NO!" I scream into the empty space around me. I slam my head against the steering wheel and the horn blares.

The car is silent except for the soft cries leaving my lips. All of what I ever dreamt of has a dead end. I could never get over Anna. I could never forget her.

I start the car and drive to the hospital. I rub my hands over my face and get out of the car. I grab the girraffe toy and walk to her room.

On my way there, I see all the boys with their girls waiting for me there. Louis sees me coming ang moves towards me. He sees my expression and furrows his eyebrows.

"Haz? Have you been crying?" He asks. "Its okay, lad. I know you love her."

I sniffle a little. Zayn comes closer to hug me.

"She was pregnant." As soon as tge words leave my mouth, they all freeze.

"W-what?" Hailee asks.

"She is carrying my baby."

Liam's eyes soften and he hug me. Everybody else follows. They all hug me with sympathy. Though sympathy is not what I want. I want Anna. And only her.

After everyone tries to console me, I walk into Anna's room. She is sleeping soundly on the bed with her head to the other side. Just how I left her.

I walk closer to her bed and sit on the stool nearby. I place the girraffe besides her on the bed. I take out the photo from my wallet. I read the letter over and over again.

I get up and sit on the bed. My hand is placed over her stomach. I notice the little baby bump which we were too busy to notice before.

"I love you, so much." I whisper.

"Harry," Anna whipsers.

"Baby, why did you hide this from me?" I ask. She doesnt open her eyes. She just purses her lips.

"I dont know."

"You promised me that you wouldnt hide anything from me." A few tears escape and my voice breaks.

She finally opens her eyes and looks at me. Her eyes are red and puffy too. Like she has been crying to herself all this while.

"I am sorry." She holds my hand.

I shake my head. I bring her hand up to kiss her knuckles. We stay silent for a while, just happy with each other's presence - which will soon fade.

I think about all the moment we have had together. Since the moment she clicked my photo with her friends to right now. I remeber our conversation when I asked her if she didnt want a picture with me. Who would have known at that time that our instagram accounts would be full of our silly selfies in the future.

"I'll miss you, you know?" She breaks the silence.

"I know." I sigh. "I will too."

"I know. I will come back from the dead and kill you if you dont miss me." She laughs.

"Then I wont miss you." I pout.

"Cheesy, Styles." She smiles.

"How bad does it hurt?" I ask, referring to her head.

"Um, a little. You being here really helps." She gives me a closed lipped small smile.

"Cut the bullshit." I smirk.

"It fucking hurts. So bad that I already wanna kill myself. It hurts too much too handle and you being here doesnt make much of a distraction but it would just be rude to say that to your face but please dont leave." She rambles while closing her eyes shut.

"I am sorry." I mutter back.

And so she falls asleep. I let her sleep. Atleast she wont hurt as much.

I would never understand how much pain she is going through. Any person would let her go. Let her be free of the pain. But not me. I am too selfish yo do that. I want her all to myself. I cant let her go. She is all I have. Without her my life would be meaningless. She is the one who splashed colors onto my empty blank canvas.

I remove my hand from hers and slip out of the room. I walk to the waiting room to see all the lads. But as soon as I enter the room, I see mum and Gemma standing there with a sad expression on their face.

"Mum." I greet her blankly.

"Honey, I am sorry." My mum gives me a hug.

"Is she okay?" Gemma inquires.

"Pretty much. She's sleeping." I answer.

My mum inquires a lot more to Liam and Gemma talks to Eleanor. While I just sit in the corner thinking what my life would be like if I never met her.

***
Short chapter, I know. And I am sorry for that.

But keeping waiting for next chapter because its gonna make you cry badly.

Its going to be a flashback chapter of 3 months ago.

Love you. xx.