Look Out For Me (ManXMan)

Chapter Nineteen

Halloween night crept by quickly as it always did, and so did the wind. Matt's mind and heart had their greatest war yet. Matt quietly wished Mel a happy birthday but went back to his apartment. His mind tried to sort through all the different possibilities and scenarios. Was it possible he loved Lucas back in the way Lucas loved him?

It wasn't possible! It didn't make sense.

Matt broke down, twice with tears of frustration. He tired to see it from Mel's point of view, but he still couldn't see it. All he saw, when he pictured Lucas in his mind, was his best friend. Not Lucas naked between the sheets with Matt. He didn't feel lustful with Lucas, like he did with Mel. Yes he loved Lucas, but in a different way. Something that wasn't purely sexual. Just a face to talk to when he was feeling up, or feeling down.

Kind of like what he did with Mel this month, minus all his current misery.

Matt tried to clean house, but there wasn't enough to do. He didn't have enough dirty clothes to go to the laundromat. Matt ended up taking a candle lit bath. He left the TV on, there was some monster movie marathon going on that Matt couldn't focus on.

Snatches of thoughts, looks and conversations randomly came to mind after Matt sank himself into the warm water. It was filled with bath salts and scented with lavender.

Matt wished he could take Lucas to a corner, and if Lucas needed a good cry, Matt would gladly provide his shoulder. Both shoulders if possible. Wasn't that something best friends did for each other? Lucas was in a shitty situation. Surely that had to be a normal way to think of your best friend.

Right on cue, Matt found Lucas looking directly at him. Lucas had brown eyes which seemed to change from light to dark depending on his mood. Right now, they were a shimmering light brown. He was having a good time and was about to have an even better time. They changed to a neutral color once they met Matt's.

Are you ok over there? They seemed to ask.

Lucas was fully aware that Matt didn't care for parties much. In fact, in their high school years, Lucas hadn't either. Lucas only started to open up more to parties when they got into college. He never forced Matt into going. Which Matt felt grateful. If he did go with Lucas, he stayed maybe an hour before letting Lucas know he was leaving. Lucas never tried to stop him.

It be another hour later when Matt would worry over leaving Lucas. Lucas would slip in their dorm room and Matt would finally have the reassurance to sleep.

Matt turned his head to head to look towards Lucas but Lucas was serving himself a drink. There was a certain stiffness to his shoulders that told the world to fuck off. Matt was about to utter something but Lucas gave a tiny jerk in body language. That never happened before. Lucas and Matt were always able to talk about what bothered each other. They rarely ever fought, and if they did, it was resolved in minutes. 

That was after Matt met Mel. He didn't understand at the time but as he looked back, deeper into the memory. There were signs. Lucas wasn't just about to have his life change a little, it was about to change a lot.

The events that took place in the guestroom started to make a little more sense. Lucas told the truth, but not ALL the truth. If Matt had at least taken the time to look deeper in Lucas's eyes, maybe he would have seen it clearer. Maybe he could have fought a little harder on his birthday. He could have seen past the lie, but how much different would things be now? Matt probably would have never dated Mel. Mel would still be alone. 

"I don't want anyone to take you from me." Lucas had said back then.

Matt should have been more honest and told Lucas, that he wasn't going to lose him, like he wanted to say. Instead Lucas said, "I'm always going to have your back."