It's Been A Long Time... [Desperate Measures Sequel]

FiftySix.

I hated the feeling of being lost and that was exactly how I felt right now. My suitcase's wheels were covered in mud from the earlier rainfall and my mind was mush from all the thinking I had been doing, maybe I should reword that, overthinking. I didn't seem to be going anywhere, then again I was good at that. I had spent my life doing things that didn't mean anything, I didn't seem to be able to hold one thing down. 

Reaching into the front of my suitcase and pulled out my purse checking it for money. Although I didn't have much cash on me I did have my bank card and several credit cards that I had managed to acquire of the time I had been in America. I zipped my suitcase back up before I hailed a cab, my hand shaking as I held it out in the road and just like in the movies a cab pulled up within a matter of seconds. 

I climbed into the back seat before I looked at the old taxi driver in the mirror, my eyes meeting his brown ones before I gave him the name of a hotel I had seen in the area. He nodded before he started the journey. I decided that he didn't want to hear my life story this evening, not even I wanted to hear my life story, I just wanted to forget everything that had happened this evening. 

Dean had left me at the worst point and if he turned up tomorrow he most certainly would not be ready for more revelations about myself that I was yet to reveal about myself. I looked out the window as I thought about all the things I had done, everything I had put myself through, all the pain and suffering seemed to be for what felt like nothing now. 

Reaching into my handbag I pulled out my phone before I scrolled through my contacts and pressed on Dean's name and listened as the phone rang out. I tried one more time but this time it went straight to the voicemail, my hands shook as I gritted my teeth and pressed the end call button choosing not to leave a message. How come it was me doing all the chasing? I hadn't done anything wrong. 

My fingers scrolled through my other contacts before I pressed on another name before lifting my phone to my ear and listening to the ringing. I breathed heavily as the familiar male voice answered the phone, "Well, hello there Natasha."

My breath caught in my throat as I panicked about what I was supposed to say, my mind drawing a blank before I ended the call and closed my eyes shaking my head. I always knew the wrong things to do, I was an expert at it. I traced my fingers over my phone as I looked at the screen, my face dropping as I saw the call I was now receiving was from the man I had just dialled and not from Dean. 

Reluctantly I pressed the green button before I lifted it to my ear, "I'm so sorry, I must have dropped out of signal." The lie flowed so easily from my mouth as I glanced out the window at the passing streets and lights. 

"It's okay, it's good to hear your voice after all this time." 

I bit my lip as I thought about what I wanted to say, about what I wanted to tell him but those words didn't leave my mouth, I just stayed silent. 

"I know you did not call to be quiet," he laughed as I looked down at my lap before closing my eyes."

"You're right," I admitted, "I called to talk."

"I'm all ears."

Breathing in heavily I tried to find the right words before I decided on the words I was going to use, words I might later regret, "I need you."