It's Been A Long Time... [Desperate Measures Sequel]

ThirtyNine.

Sitting across from the Detective, Joyce Williams, I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes. "I remember little things," I told her as I leaned forward and held my head in my hands still with my eyes closed. 

"Why don't you tell me what you remember," she suggested softly. 

If I kept my eyes closed I could pretend I was telling a story, I could pretend I wasn't talking about me. "I went out with the girls," I started my story as I thought about how worried I was about my stupid outfit. "I was so paranoid I looked so casual compared to the girls. I didn't really dress up, I looked like I was just going to do some shopping or something." I let out a little laugh, "I even thought about changing because I felt underdressed." Thinking about it now I realised how pathetic it sounded, I was a grown woman and I was worried about what others thought about my clothing. 

"We drank a lot," I corrected myself, "I drank a lot." I shook my head as I sat up and looked at Joyce. "It's silly isn't it?" I asked a rhetorical question. "I was so against drinking when my ex-husband drank every moment of our relationship and there I was drinking my own problems away."

"What problems?" She asked me as she looked at me with sad eyes. 

I sighed, "Earlier in the evening I had seen the man I loved with another woman, I was just upset when I saw them together. That's probably the main reason I continued to drink so heavily through the evening. The girl he was with even turned up on the girls night out," I thought about Liv turning up and complaining about Dean. I had been a little happy in that moment as I thought about him and her having problems, that maybe he was thinking about me. "It doesn't matter."

"Everything matters," she told me as she leaned forward and tucked her black hair back under the clip it had escaped from. "Every little detail might be important, it's good to hear about the events leading up to the incident."

I took a deep breath, "When she arrived I headed off, I had a phone call, a missed call." I thought about how excited I was when I saw Dean had tried to call me. "So I called Dean back," I closed my eyes as I thought about what he said, how he wasn't meant to call me. "But we only spoke briefly, he was trying to get hold of someone else." I looked down at my hands on the table before reaching for a glass of water, I pulled it to my lips and sipped it before placing the glass back down. "So I left the girls, I left them and went and found somewhere else to drink."

"Why did you do that?" She asked me. 

"I was upset," I explained as I thought about how I had felt. "I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to have to tell them my business."

"But they are your friends aren't they?" She asked me. "Would you want to talk to them about your problems?"

I shook my head, "They aren't really my friends. We socialize, we work together but telling them anything that means anything is a big ask." I thought about the girls in my life that I had trusted, AJ was one of the only females in my life who I had trusted with any personal details in my life. Honestly, I wished she was still around, I wished she was here with me and helping me with all my problems. She would know what to say, she'd know exactly what to do, instead, I was stuck, helpless. 

"You were alone in the bar?"

"No," I said, "I went in alone and had a few drinks before a man started to talk to me. He asked me if I had drunk enough, I think he said," I thought about it as I closed my eyes. "He said you've had enough, don't you think? Something along those lines?"

Detective Williams nodded, "Then what did you say?"

Leaning forward, hunching over the table I sat up I sighed as I remembered the words I had said to him. "I told him it wasn't any of his business," I looked down at the table. "We flirted," I admitted in a quiet voice. "I wasn't even interested, I was just upset, I was angry." I shook my head as I felt tears filling my eyes. "I just," I sighed, "I dunno. I just wanted to forget about everything in that moment, I wanted to drink so much that I didn't have to deal with my mess of a life."

"So you left with him willingly?" She asked me as she watched me closely. 

I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess I must have. I can't remember much. One second I was saying I needed to go. I wanted to go back to my hotel, I don't know. Then," I breathed heavily as I opened my eyes and looked down at the table. "We were in my hotel room, I don't remember how we got there." 

As I listened I heard the Detective shuffle in her seat, I glanced up at her and saw she was making some notes on her notepad. She looked up at me and smiled, "It's okay you know, none of this is your fault." She reached across and took my hand giving it a squeeze, "Do you want to continue?"

My hands shook as I tried to calm my nerves, I breathed heavily as I closed my eyes and nodded. "I wanted to go to bed, I tried to calm into bed." I groaned as I thought about what happened, "I don't think I can do this," I confided as I stood up and looked around the room. 

It was becoming smaller and smaller by the second. 

"If I do this," I spoke as I turned and looked at the wall. "I'm admitting that it really happened." I put my head against the wall and let my tears fall. "If I admit it happened then I have to admit to everyone else that it happened." I wiped my tears with the back of my sleeve, "I'm not ready for that."

Detective Williams walked around and put a hand on my shoulder, "Why don't we take it slowly, Tasha?"

I looked around at her, I nodded as I let her lead me towards the table. I took my seat again across from her before I looked up at her. "He, he held me down on the bed, I tried to escape but he told me that I was a tease." I closed my eyes and breathed out heavily. "I just wanted to go to sleep."

When I arrived back at Dean's the door was opened by Cassidy, "Uncle Jon said you'd be back."

I managed to smile at her before speaking, "Of course I was coming back."

Cassidy looked up at me and her little smile faded, "Have you been crying?" She asked me, "You have the red eyes like mommy does when she thinks about daddy."

"Oh no darling," I shook my head as Cassidy moved out of the way and let me into the house. "Is your mommy still here?" I asked her as I closed the door behind me. 

She shook her head, "No, she's just popped home to get our jamas." 

I followed her into the living room area where Dean and Aubrey were sitting on the sofa watching the telly. They both looked up at me and Dean smiled at me, "How did it go?" He asked as Aubrey returned her gaze back to the telly. 

Cassidy plopped the other side of Dean on the sofa as I nodded at him. "We can talk about it later." 

He nodded, "Here." He got to his feet and walked over to me, he put his arm around me and placed a kiss on my hair. "You sit down and I'll get us some drinks."

Dean motioned to the seat he was sitting in, I awkwardly walked towards the seat and sat down between the girls. He left the room to get drinks, Aubrey leaned against the back of the sofa, Cassidy leaned against me and continued to watch the telly. 

"Are you having a sleepover with us too?" Cassidy asked as she looked up at me. 

Her huge brown eyes were nothing like her mother's, she must have got those genes from her father. "I think I might."

"Uncle Jon said we could sleep down here tonight, watch movies all night," Aubrey said in an excited voice. She looked at me, "Could you paint my nails tonight?"

I nodded at her before smiling, "I'm sure I can sort something out."