Deep Monologues

Who Am I To You?

We've been friends ever since I can remember. But lately things have been different. I don't know if it's the stress or the years that are coming towards us is effecting our relationship. But I feel each waking day that we drift more and more apart. And it's not just you and you only....it's everyone were associated with as friends. In the day you see me smiling and act everything is fine but at the end of the day I'm not like that. That's the reality I don't wish to tell you or everyone else.

I go home every day feeling like a different person then the last. I'm happy that's happening because in those days I actually feel like myself, the girl I hid away from the world due to society's standards. But what you don't know I go home feeling lonelier then the last. You may not realized it but my voice is going back to the dull silence it was once used to. My facial expression is turning back to the same emotionless state. Thoughts and ideas are popping into my head and to myself I was just overthinking it. But actually I don't think I am anymore. In the group I seem to be forgotten bit by bit. Things may not seem that way to you but it's turning out like that.

You may say that were here for you or I'll never leave you. But those words are slowly turning meaningless to me. Because what I see, I just end up being quiet until I say it's time to go back to class or go home. I seemed to be a friend to you even a best friend but I think that changed over time.

I may have been off my medication for awhile. Why? Well, what's the point of taking it when the end of the day you feel like shit and have to deal with a whole new issue. You all may not see it but I'm trying to not give up. I truly don't see anything in my future. I feel lost as to what to do and I don't think being here is benefitting anyone. I notice when I'm not around, everyone seems okay and happy but when I am....no one is there. Maybe, I'm better off being gone. Maybe I'm better off being left out. Maybe, I shouldn't associate myself with you guys anymore. I know sounds selfish but I seem to be alone from the start without knowing it. So yea, that's what's going on I'll just disappear and stay away from you. Because in reality I don't know where I stand in your view, so it left me wondering....

Who am I to you?