Deep Monologues

I Don't Hate You, I Hate Myself

For as long I can remember, I was different. I stood out from everyone else in my room family or at school. I didn't want that. I didn't want the attention. But it can't be helped can it.

Growing up I held hatred. Towards certain people, objects, and places. But, truth is I just really hate myself. I know you may all say you should stop thinking like that. Or you should learn to self-love. But how can I learn to love myself when there is nothing of me to love!

I'm weak, pathetic, worthless, and unwanted. I have to many flaws to even comprehend for myself. I'm such a push-over. I never had a voice of my own. I rely on people too much. I can't do things right.

Not only that I hate how I look. I'm always holding the perfect good girl image in many people's eyes and it's hard to break it. It's not me! I wanna rebel I wanna do stuff that seems stupid but fun. But I can't do it. Like I said I don't have a voice of my own. Nothing of me that is shown seems like me. I'm like a puppet being controlled by someone.

What else I hate and also scares me. Is people who looked up to me. Because I'm not the best person to look up to. I'm a screw up. I skip meals through out the day. I'm not talented. I'm not....I'm just not.

Compliments, is something I don't do. Call me pretty I'll feel lied to. Call me smart I feel dumbed down. Call me skinny I feel self-conscious. I don't want people to compliment me. Because I feel more hatred towards myself. I feel like most of the things I hear is a lie.

I can't help but destroy my own body. Punch walls and mirrors because I'm so frustrated of myself. I don't compare myself to anyone because there is no one for me to compare myself too!

I hate myself.....I really do. So the next time you think I hate you. I don't, I just really really hate myself. There's no possible way for me to feel better of myself. Because I think what people say is true. I am a freak.

That's right....a freak.....someone who has no place in the world.....