Deep Monologues

Suicide

Suicide....it's funny to think that the best way to relive pain is to just kill yourself.....many people are battling their own battles.....I'm even battling mine.....and I think I lost....

16 years of my life have been nothing but hell and back.....except for two years they were worth living for.....because I had friends who brought me nothing but happiness and hope....

But I got nothing to give in return....I'm not helpful at all.....I'm useless....whenever my friend is in need I can't help them......I don't know how....and every time I do I feel like my words are nothing but meaningless each time......so I thought making people laugh would help.....it doesn't work all the time and I'm left feeling useless and a disappointment like I have been throughout my life......

Besides, happiness never lasted long.....it's like a commercial break then your just back into reality......will now....I'm back to reality....and I've never felt so depressed in such a long time.....I've learned that humans aren't medicine......they can take your pain away for such a brief moment in time until reality started to set in.......even if they do stay by your side....

I can't handle the pain......I'm tired.....I'm tired of fighting......breathing.....being alive even.....

I love my friends.....and I don't wanna hurt them.....but I feel like I'm already am......because in reality I'm not a girl who is always happy, cool, and smart......I'm the opposite of that.....I'm not smart.....I'm not cool.....I'm not even happy......because really I'm a girl who is nothing but a pushover.....I have flaws....I have problems.....

I know I may sound selfish about all this.....but the world have gone and fucked me up......I thank those who stayed by my side and made memories with me all day long for the past 2 years......I'm sorry if I had to leave you......but don't mourn my death for too long......soon will meet each other again....and I'll be waiting.....

I've told everyone my story.....my life been nothing but trauma, broken promises, loneliness, secrets, and pain.......and there was no hope for me to even live that long.....I'm damaged, broken, unfixable......I have no future, I have nothing planned out for it.....

So.....might as well thank a couple people.....Thank you for the people who caused me pain......now here's my letter to you.....

My suicide letter.....