Trapped in Ophelia's Body

Trying to avoid him

Song: All she wrote by Ross Copperman

I ran to the restroom. I go into the very last stall and try to organize all my papers and notebooks the way they are supposed to be. I hate things being out of place. I hate myself more for being so freaking shy. I hate when I panic before anything even happens. I mean he was just handing me the book that's it...being nice to me. I mean it wasn't like he was asking me out or anything. He was just trying to be nice. Or was he? No...no...no...why would anyone want to date me anyway. I'm a nobody, I'm nothing and honestly I'm just a plain girl with so many issues that no one would want to date me. I'm the weird awkward girl that flips out over the silliest little things.

I leave the restroom and head to my next class and for some reason I look up and he just so happens to be in this class. I wonder how long he has been here and I am just now noticing him. I know he said he was new but how new is new. That just goes to show you that I stay in my own little world. That's where I like to stay anyway, in my own little bubble. I look away when he looks up and sees me looking at him.

I try so hard to avoid him the rest of the day, but I keep having this feeling that he is watching me and then my mind starts to race and I think maybe my hair is out of place or I have something on my face or something between my teeth even though I don't bother smiling so he can't see my teeth. I just don't know why every time I see him he just so happens to be looking back at me. My hands start to get all clammy like and I wonder if I just might pass out.

I can't wait to go home at the end of the day. I jump in my car and take off. My parents were very iffy about getting me a car and letting me drive myself to school because they were afraid and still are. The think that I will be driving and have a panic attack and flip out and wreck. I promised them if I felt one coming that I will pull over and try to calm myself down before driving again.

Today I just want to get out of the school parking lot. I want everyone to stop staring at me and therefore I make it home in record time.

"You're earlier than usual," mom says when I walk into the kitchen. She always smiles at me, even on days she doesn't even feel well.

"Am I...sorry. I got homework to do." I grab an apple and run up to my room.

Once there I shut the door and think about doing my homework, however I lie on the bed and look on Facebook. I know crazy right. I don't know how to explain it, see I can talk on here easily and have lots of friends because first of all I'm safe in my room within these four walls and two I don't even know half of them. And it's not like they can see me, right.

I'm scrolling through all the post and happen to notice that I have a new friend request. I click on it and I'm shocked to see it's the guy from school. I stare into my screen at those honey golden brown eyes on his profile picture. I debate whether I should accept his request or not and I don't.

Why because I have to see him again tomorrow and probably the rest of the school year. There is no way that I call talk to him here and not at school. He would never understand. 

When I should be sleeping, I can't seem to sleep at all. Why because all I think about is him. I know he will be wondering why I didn't add him to my friends list. I know he can't like me so why does he even want to be my friend it's not like I plan on hanging out with him.

I wake up late and I'm so tired because I didn't get any sleep. I know I look like crap today and so debate on not even going to school at all.

I yawn when I go into the kitchen and my mom looks up at me with an expression on her face. "Do I really have to go to school today...can't I just stay home...please," I beg.