Trapped in Ophelia's Body

Freaking out...

Song: Finding me By Emma and Binda

Over the past few weeks Kodiak helps me to and from school. He carries my books to my classes while I hop along. My leg is doing better so I can get around now, however my arm is still in a cast. In a few weeks it should be able to come off and believe me I will be so excited because it is killing me to have my mom help wash my hair. I can brush it with the one hand but washing it is a different story. I just have a difficult time doing it.

I still don't have a car. My parents say that when I am out of my cast they will help me look for another one but until then they don't want me driving anyway right now. Kodiak has been nice to swing by and pick me up in his dad's car. I wish we could ride his bike but my parents keep telling me that it is not safe with only being able to really use the one arm to hold on to. He says the same thing so guess that's not happening.

Today we are supposed to be in the gym signing yearbooks. I don't want to go and really don't care to go in there with everyone else in there. I know it is going to be crazy packed in there and it's not like I have any friends however Kodiak wants to go so I force myself to go. He has quite a few friends and they will be looking for him. Every grade is in here at one time and people are running around everywhere up and down the bleachers, jumping over each other and not to mention yelling over each other.

I let him hold my hand to guide me to the junior's section on the bleachers to meet up with his friends. I tighten my grip when we have to make our way up the bleachers. He holds on tight. When we get to the top they are all high fiving and fist bumping each other. I hide behind him but then when he sits down I slowly sit down beside him like a lost puppy or his little shadow. I have a yearbook but I don't really care to let other people hold it or sign it for that matter so I just hold it in my lap.

I try to zone into my little world and block everyone out but that is not happening. I feel like every single person freezes in time and stares at me all at once. There are so many voices all around me and I hear my name over and over. And it's not just my name but other things to. I hear them all talking about us...me. Voices, people complaining about us seeing each other, how they can't get over the fact that he likes me. How he must pity me for being in a wreck and how he waits on me hand and foot? And it's not just the girls but I hear boy voices as well. I hear them saying that he can do better. He can do so much better than a girl like me. The voices are so freaking loud...so loud that my head throbs of pain. My heart starts to beat faster and my skin feels all clammy. I don't realize I'm shaking until Kodiak grabs my hand to hold it still.

"Hey...you alright...you look..."

I don't hear the rest. I jolt up and hobble down the bleachers trying not to fall or put too much pressure on my leg. I was looking for the bathroom but when I see the main door I go outside instead and the summer heat slaps me right in the face. The sunlight alone blinds the crap out of me and I suddenly feel so dizzy that I fall to the ground. Arms come around me. I start to panic but he pulls me into his chest and holds me tight. "I got you...you ok?"

I shake my head no. He sits down beside me and pulls me even tighter. "Hey...stop...breathe...you are fine now. I got you."

I don't say anything as I try to let my nerves calm down. I rock back and forth in his arms; he rocks with me. A few of the students come out and go back to class. He leans into me. "Let's get out of here before everyone else comes out alright."

I nod, it sounds like the best plan ever. Why could we not do this an hour ago?

He stands up and pulls me into standing. We don't go to our next class instead we head out to the parking lot and get in the car. He starts it up and leaves the school grounds. I don't know where we are going and I don't ask. My hands are still trembling as he holds it in his hand. When we pull up to the Gardens I look at him in amusement. He doesn't say anything as he gets out and comes around to open the door for me to get out. We go inside and into the butterfly room. I let him lead me up to the platform and we both lay on our back to look up at the ceiling. He plays music on his phone and oddly enough I start to calm down.

I'm not sure how long time goes by but I feel as ease now. I don't bother looking over at him because my eyes are still glistening with tears. "Thank you."

"For what?" He looks over at me but I am still staring up to the glass ceiling. I watch the butterflies fly all around me.

"For being there. For getting me away. For bringing me here. Everything." I look over at him and he is still looking at me with those honey golden brown eyes of his. "I'm sorry I freaked out...it...it...just happened so fast and...and..."

He quickly cuts me off, "It's fine really. Stop apologizing and I like being there for you." He rises up on his elbow and leans closer to me. He takes his hand and slowly moves a strand of my hair out of my face then his lips find mine and my heart skips a beat. It's crazy how he does this to me and it's like everything is all better.

He takes me home and my parents are both already there. I can see the 3expression on their faces that somethingis up. "You left school early today...can I ask why?" asks my mom.

I don't bother to lie to them, "I had a panic attack so I left."

"You can't just leave school when you want to Ophelia. Where did you go it's been almost three hours?" she says all worried.

"Kodiak took me to the Gardens...he was trying to calm me down."

"I hope it worked! Do we need to have a talk about this because ever since he came along you changed...this is so unlike you?"

"What is there to talk about? I had a panic attack he took care of it nothing more and I haven't changed...I'm still me."

"Really, nothing more..." my dad add and he is not happy. "This is getting out of hand. You can't just go off with each other and not say anything to no one. What if something was to happen then what?"

"Uhm...nothing happened so stop worrying about it."

"Don't tell us not to worry about this. You left school early. You missed your last class and you don't come home till almost two hours after school. Are you guys hooking up with each other?"

"Dad...NO! I told you...I...I had a panic attack I was really having a hard time and he took me out of the situation. He knows that the Gardens calm me down so that is where we went...really nothing else happened."

"Well I hope you had fun skipping out on school. Look I hate to do this and I, I mean we have never had to ground you before but dammit Ophelia...this is getting out of hand."

"You are grounding me...seriously...I had a panic attack for crying out loud and you are grounding me."

"We are not grounding you for that. You know we would never ground you for something you can't control. However skipping out on school come on now...really. What do you want us to do?"

"That's so not fair and you know it," I say very upset and irritated.

"Ophelia..." my mom shouts back.

"Do whatever you want...it's not really going to make a difference. I mean it's not like I go anywhere or really do anything anyway." I pick my backpack up and storm off to my room.

My mom tells down the hallway, "You are right...that is why we are grounding you from seeing Kodiak for two weeks."

That gets my attention. I stop and come back into the kitchen. "Are you serious?" I glare at both of them like they have got to be kidding me.

"Yes we are...two weeks. We will take you to school and pick you up. He is not allowed over before or after school and no you can't go over there...two weeks and no phone." He holds out his hand for me to give him my phone. I reluctantly hand it over to him and roll my eyes at him. This is so not fair.

I huff loudly and stomp off to my room. I toss my backpack near my bed and climb in to cover up letting the weighted blanket consume me and cry.