Trapped in Ophelia's Body

Why me???

Song: Brighter than the sun By Colbi Caillat

I lean back and look the other way. I'm not ready to tell him about my problems. I hate explaining to people how I tend to freak out around other people and why and honestly most people just don't understand the sensory problems I have. Like him touching me, I almost tensed up but forced myself to let it happen. Ok, that was a lie, I was really freaking out. I'm glad he didn't say anything. I look up at him and he is still looking back at me with those deep honey golden eyes.

I feel super nervous. "Kodiak can I ask you something?"

"Sure...anything." He grins.

"Why me...I mean there are so many cute girls at school...so why me?"

"I don't know." He smiles and it's like he is thinking about it. "You're just different."

I roll my eyes, of course I am different. HELLO!!! "Seriously though...why me? You can have any girl in the world and you want me...why?"

He looks out the window and then back at me. "I just want to get to know you...you're so cute when your shy like this...and...and you're not fake. You're just not like all the other girls."

I shake my head. He thinks he wants to get to know me but he has no idea what he is getting into. "I...I...I'm n...not like every...everyone else."

"See, I even love it when you stutter like that. It's so freaking cute."

"It's...it's...not funny." I look down at my straw and take another sip.

"I didn't say it was. I said it was cute."

I shake my head no. "I...I...I..."

"Slow down...take a breath."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Calm down Ophelia, pretend it's only him no one else is around. "Tal...talking to you here is...is...one thing, at school is diff...different."

"Ok...so talk to me when it's just us. Tell me why is it so hard."

"I...I...don't like people looking at me. I mean...I...I...don't like people staring and talking about me."

He stares back at me in amusement. "What if I put an invisible spell on us, then no one could ever see us talk?" He grins.

My cheeks start to heat up again. "Kodiak...seriously...they will still see...they always do."

"Ok, then what if I was always there by your side. I could hold your hand when you need the extra support being around others. I can do that."

I try to imaginewhat it would look like and I just can't see that happening. "You have no idea what that involves."

"Let me worry about that." He tries to slurp the milkshake and it is a little easier now since it's been sitting for a few minutes.

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

He shakes his head. "Nope, I want to be your friend."

"Just friends...uh?" I spoon another bite of the shake.

"Well I would like to be a little more than friends...if that is possible."

I look around and I feel like everyone is staring at me. Oh my everyone here already knows what we are talking about. They all know he wants to be more than friends. My hands start to tremble. I hear them all around me. Saying that I'm not good enough for him, why would he want a girl like me, it has to be a joke. My heart is racing and I feel a panic attack coming. My heart goes still and I just know I'm going g to be sick.

"Excuse me..." I jump up and his hand touches my arm but I keep going. I don't hear what he says as I hurry to the restroom. I push the door open and go into the last stall. I start to pace back and forth in the little confined area. I have to shake both my hands out, trying to calm the tingling numb feeling. I squeeze both hands as tight as possible and then open them back up over and over, then pop each knuckle then shake them out again. If I don't calm down, I'm going to be sick or maybe even pass out. It wouldn't be the first time that it has happened.

I don't know how long I am in the restroom but suddenly I hear a light knock on the main door. I hear the door open and I hear his voice. "Hey...you alright?"

"Y...yeah...I...I'll be ri...right out." I lie. No I'm not alright. I have a cute boy that apparently wants to date me and everyone already knows it. I think of everyone at school laughing and talking about it behind my back.

'Why her?'

'He can do better than that.'

'Seriously...I mean look at her.'

'Do you believe it...Ophelia...with a boy...hahahahha'

'You got to be kidding me.'

Ophelia, get it together. Come on you have to go back out there; you can't stay in the restroom forever. Sure I can. He will eventually leave. Ok I know he won't.  I guess I can do this. I take a deep breath and open the stall door. Then walk to the sink to wash my hands. I try not to look up into the mirror to see that girl but there she is looking back at me. I see the girl standing there, staring back into my own eyes. She looks like she is about to break, so fragile. I fight back the tears and all the bad thoughts that keep running through my head. I open the door and see him sitting back at the counter looking right at me. Little goose bumps form all over my body.

"There you are...you sure you are ok?"

I nod my head. "Yeah...can we go now...I uhm...need to get home."

He has a crooked smile on his face and looks back at me as if trying to figure me out. "Sure if you're ready to go...you mind dropping me back off at my car?"

"Of course...I don't mind." I don't finish my shake because now it's almost like soup...I watch him as he slurps the rest of his.

"Are you not going to finish yours?"

I look at it and shake my head no. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't...ok...I...I...I'm full...sorry for wasting it." I feel my eyes start to tear up. He wouldn't understand the texture issue.

"Hey, it's ok. Don't get upset it's just a shake." He smiles and tries to take my hand but I pull away. I start walking out to my car and he follows by my side.

Once in, I fasten the seatbelt and while he is getting in I check all the mirrors.  I drive him back to the school and he hesitates getting out. I keep looking around to see who is all still in the parking lot. Most everyone is already gone. I want him to get out, leave...you can go now. But he stays and when he looks up at me I just want to turn and hide.

"So...what are you doing tomorrow night...would you like to go do something?"

"Uhm...uh...uh...I...I'll have to ask my parents."

"Ok. just let me know." He grabs my phone and I tense up.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Giving you my number." He pushes the call button and it goes to his phone. "Now I have your number." He grins ear to ear.

Later that night I get a text.

Kodiak: Thanks for going out with me today

Kodiak: Can't wait to see you tomorrow

Kodiak: Goodnight

I type in good night. I debate on pushing send. I erase the message and type it again, not just one time but more like five times before getting up the freaking nerve just to push that one button...send.

Ophelia: Good Night

Maybe this is what it's like....