Trapped in Ophelia's Body

The talk

Song: I got you By Ciara

It takes my body over an hour to calm down and even now I feel so exhausted from all the anxiety. It's hard to explain how weak my body is after the attack. And crazy how long it takes to recover. I hate the feeling when I can feel every little nerve tingling back to life.  My parents ended up going back down stairs to let me chill out for awhile. I missed a few texts from Kodiak and honestly I'm just not in the mood to text him back. I know I should be nice and tell him good night but every time I look at my phone I just want to shut it off. I really just don't want to be bothered at the moment. Besides why does Kodiak even like me for anyway; I'm nothing like the girls at school. He could have just about anyone and he wants to be with me...why?

It takes me forever to go to sleep, way after two in the morning and I still haven't got up the nerve to text him back. I toss and turn all night. One minute I am freezing and bundle up with my covers, the next I am kicking them off because I can't breathe like I am suffocating. The sunlight coming through the window wakes me up and I groan as I roll over trying to avoid the rays. If I didn't have to use the bathroom I would stay in bed. But unfortunately I do so I have to force myself out of the warm bed.

On the way back to my room I notice my phone in the floor and pick it up. There are a few more text from Kodiak. A few from last night but then some from this morning wishing me a good morning. I debate on whether to text him back. I know it's the right thing to do but I don't. Instead I go downstairs because my mom is calling my name. They are in the kitchen as usual on a Saturday morning.

"Good morning sunshine. We heard you up and about, would you like something to eat?" my mom asks.

"Not really but I know you are going to tell me how important breakfast is, so sure why not." I tell her ask I sit down at the table.

She fixes me a plate and brings it over to me. My dad is already finished eating however he is still drinking his morning coffee. He sits the cup down and looks at my mom. She nods her head and then he looks back at me. Here it goes that wonderful moment when parents  want to talk about the 's' word.

"Your mom and I have been talking and we understand the importance of a relationship. We want you to be happy we do..."

"But..." There is always a but.

"No buts, we want you to be happy...really." He stops and takes a sip from his cup. "So this boy, you really like him?"

"Yes. I mean...I think I do."

"You think you do." He smiles at that. I know he thinks I just a young kid, not knowing about live but I know I really, really like him.  "Ophelia, your mom and I just don't want you getting hurt."

"And...I'm not planning on getting hurt." I take a bite of the eggs on my plate.

"No one ever plans on getting hurt. But in reality it happens. I guess we just want to look after you and keep you safe."

"I know you guys care about me. I get it...I do but I need to know what it's like to be a typical teen with a boyfriend. That includes holding hands, hugging, kissing..." My parents stare at each other on that last one.

"Kissing...uh," says my mom. "You planning on anything else?"

"Mom!" I can't believe she just said that in front on my dad. Even if I wanted to do more it was really none of their concern. 

"I was a teen once you know. I know what boys are like," she continues.

My dad chimes in, "And some boys can be demanding...wanting more than you. I don't want you to be in that situation and have a hard time with saying no."

"Dad!" I feel my face heat up even more.

"We are just looking out for you. We know what it's like being a teen and in love. We just want you to be aware of things."

"Ok....guys. I love you...I do but seriously do we have to talk about this I'm trying to eat here. Besides I doubt he even likes me that way. I mean why would he?"

"Why would he not and he does. We both seen the look in his eyes at the hospital. He really cares about you."

They actually noticed the way he was looking at me. "So since you feel that he really cares about me its ok for us to date?"

My parents look at each other and it's funny to watch them back and forth making only eye communication, not saying a word to each other like they both know what the other is thinking.

"I guess we would be alright with it. However, not sure about you on that bike of his. It's not the safeties way of travel you know."

"I know you guys would not approve of that but to be honest with you I like the way it vibrates through my body...it calms me which I think is odd considering I don't like certain things." I take a drink of my orange juice. "Besides he drives safe and makes me wear a helmet for protection."

"Well then, I guess it will be alright as long as he goes the speed limit and makes sure that you are safe," dad replies but I can tell he is not really excited about it.

"Thanks," I say trying not to smile from ear to ear. I finish off the plate of food and the orange juice. "One more thing...dad."

"Yes."

"What did you say to him?" I know I shouldn't  ask but I just really need to know.

He looks up at me a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"What did you say to Kodiak, last night you two were talking in my room remember and you said that he knows how fragile I am and he wouldn't hurt me. Why would he think I'm fragile? Why do you think I'm fragile?"

"I just explained to him that you are allergic to certain things and other things bother you more than they do others like the party thing. I told him he needed to be aware so that it won't happen again."

"That's it...you didn't tell him about the panic attacks...and so on. I mean he already knows because people at school kind of told him but why would you bring it up to him?"

"Because you are my girl and I have to protect you. If I can't then he needs to know if you two are going to be together."

"Oh....ok." I guess I just didn't see it the way my dad did. I guess he is right. Kodiak needs to know my triggers that way he can help me to avoid them or at least be aware of them so if I happen to freak out he will know what's going on instead of being left in the dark.

"And since you will be hanging out more I guess you need a curfew, so weekends we would like you home by eleven and school nights by ten. However you still have to confirm with us before just going out and we want to know where you are going so we are not worried about you."

I don't argue about it because really it seems fair. Not many teens I know get that privilege of being out till eleven. And I don't mind them knowing where I am. I mean really where could I possible go maybe to his house, my house, maybe a movie or something besides that there is not that much to do in this town at night.

After I excuse myself I go back to my room and grab my phone. There are two more messages from him.

Kodiak: Are you still sleeping or just avoiding me?

Kodiak: Are you still alive??? Getting worried here!

I text back and then delete it but then text again. I get up the nerve to push send.

Ophelia: Still alive. Sorry for not texting you back.

I wait for not even a second and he replies back.

Kodiak: It's ok...just glad you are alright.

Ophelia: I'm fine.

Kodiak: Any plans today?

Ophelia: Not really.

Kodiak: Want to hang out. You could come over.

Ophelia: Sure

I jump in the shower and get out. I brush my hair and dry it making sure every single strand is dry and combed through. I brush my teeth and slip on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I find my keys and head over to his house. I don't have to be back till eleven...