Trapped in Ophelia's Body

Trying on dresses

Song: Who you are by Jessie J...cover by Anna Clendening

My mom is too excited about this prom thing; almost as if it is her going instead of me. She brings home several magazines for me to look at hoping that I or should I say she will pick out the right dress. It's like I can't escape the conversations of dresses. When I am at home that is all she wants to talk about. When I go to school that is all the girls what to talk about in every single freaking class. It's only a stupid dance and the only reason I am going to in the first place is because there was no way that I could say no to Kodiak. Why did he even have to ask?

On Saturday, my mom insist that we go shopping. She knows how much I hate clothes and I really don't like putting them on at a store. The dress boutique is not that busy at the moment because my mom said that no one would be there at nine in the morning. There are a few girls but it's not overbearing at the moment. She walks through the store as if she owns the place. She holds up a dress and I shake my head no. She keeps going through the racks and since I refuse to agree on anything she starts picking out dresses for me to try on. She hands me one with ruffles and I place it back on the rack.

"Ophelia, you could at least try it on. You never know you might just like it."

"Ruffles...I don't think so."

"Well there's a start, no ruffles that will narrow it down some." She smiles and picks out two more dresses with no ruffles. "Here let's go try these on." She walks to the back where the dressing rooms are.

The lady places the dresses on the hook and I go into the tiny dressing room with no freaking door. All there is a curtain for anyone to see if it happens to move in any direction. Why?

I undress which I hate doing in public places by the way. I look at the dresses and debate which one to try on first. I decide on the dark blue that has lace but once I put it on I take it back off, that's not happening. Lace against my skin in a no for sure. It feels all scratchy against my skin.

The next dress is fluffyband a shade of blue. I look in the mirror and already know this one is not going to work either. The inside is making me itch like crazy. Why do they have to make dresses out of certain  materials?

"Ophelia, are you even trying them on? Come on out I want to see what it looks like," my mom yells from the other side of the curtain.

I step out to show her and she is smiling. I am not because all I can think about it peeling this damn thing off of me.

She already knows my my expression how I feel about it. "You don't like it," she says with a tone.

"Not really." I throw my hands up in the air.

"Well ok...try another one on." She acts like it's no big deal but it really is.

"Mom they itch like crazy...these dresses will for sure place me in the hospital with a rash before the night is over."

"So dramatic...try another one on, surely they have one that you will like."

I roll my eyes at her and go back in. I try on several more dresses. They are all the same. I'm starting to get frustrated and if I try on one more dress I am going to scream. I can actually feel the tears coming. I hear my mom talking to the saleslady and a few minutes later my mom comes over to the curtain.

"Ophelia, just one more dress alright and we will call it a day." I am almost in tears. I open the curtain for her to hand me a full length black dress. I try to avoid her eyes because then she will see that I am on the verge of crying. Trying on dresses should not be this difficult but it is. Every freaking material cuts into my skin like razor blades. How in the hell do girls wear these damn things? I can't help but scratch and scratch raking my nails over the itchiness from all the different materials. I want to scream but I force myself to try on one last freaking dress. This is it...this is the last one and I am marching myself out the damn front door. I can't do this any longer. I mean who even wants to even go to a stupid dance.

I slide the dress over me and it is actually soothing to the touch. There are no seams that itch the shit out of me. I take a deep breath and look up into the mirror and it actually looks alright. I actually smart to smile a little.

"Ophelia, you are really quite in there; do you have it on yet?"

I open the curtain and come out. I stand in front of her and she is smiling. I am crying, yep it finally just started pouring out of me. "What's the matter sweetheart; do you not like it either? You look fabulous."

"No I like it...I...I...want to go now." I turn back around and go into the dressing room to take off the dress and put my jeans back on and my seamless t-shirt. We specially order my clothes from this one company that makes seamless clothes. My mom orders them, so she should know that I can't handle all of this. She acts like she has no clue. 'What's the matter?' The matter is...that I am being tortured into trying on clothes that don't like me and yes I finally find the right one and thank goodness we can go home now.

I come out of the dressing room holding only the last dress. I hand it to her. "Here...this is the one...I'm going out to the car." I don't say anything else as I walk through the store. I see faces turn to look at me. I hear the freaking whispers behind my back as tears stream down my face. I'm sure they all think that I just didn't find the right dress and that I am a typical spoiled teenager having a fit. But that is not the reason I am crying. My nerves are on fire. My skin is screaming for relief. I need to get out of this place so that I can breathe.

When I get out to the car I get in and close the door and then scream to the top of my lungs. A few girls walking by with their moms look in my direction to see if I'm  alright or just being nosy but then continue to walk on by. Ten minutes later my mom comes out and puts the dress in the back seat. She gets in and looks over at me.

"Ophelia, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been pushing you to keep trying on the dresses. I wanted this to be a special day and it's ending up a disaster."

I don't say anything as I rock back and forth in my seat with my eyes closed.

"How about we stop somewhere for lunch...will that be alright?"

I want to go home. I need to go home. I need to be in my room within my four walls under my weighted blanket. That is what I need right now. "Can we get it and go home...I want...I want to go home." I wipe the few tears away from my face. I try to stop. I try to calm myself down.

"Sure if that is what you want." She drives off and she orders food and then we go home. I don't bother eating. I run up to my room and close the door. I fall into my bed wrapping my weighted blanket over me. It takes me over fifteen minutes to calm down and I drift off to sleep. I feel like they both came in to check on me but since I don't  respond back they close the door back.

The next day she is talking about looking for shoes. There is no way in hell that I am going shopping today. I can't physically go. My body is so drained from yesterday that even if I wanted to go...my body is not going to let me go. I hate that my body has control over me. No one understands what it is like. No one gets it. You want to do things, you want to have fun but nope no matter how hard you try it just makes matters worse.

I have dreams just like any other girl. I want to be like all of them. I want to go shopping with my mom and friends and not have a care in the world. I want to be able to go to prom and have fun. I really do. But even I know when I get there, if I get there my body is going to have its way in the end.