Trapped in Ophelia's Body

Can we start over...

Song: The Scientist by Coldplay

Kodiak:

Monday morning I walk into school searching for her. She is not in the hallway and why should she be. She tries to hurry up and get to class as fast as possible trying to avoid the crowd as much as possible. If not the crowd then it's to avoid me. I enter the classroom and she has her ear buds in and already has her head in her book.

I can't take my eyes off of her. Today she is wearing a pair of ripped blue jeans and a black and red flannel shirt. She has on leather black boots that have zippers on the inside. Her hair falls along her back and every time she moves an inch I pray that it is to look my way but she never does. She refuses to look up from her book. When the bell rings she dashes out of the classroom. I would have followed but some of the people in front of me are taking their sweet precious time. And by the time I do get into the hall she has vanished.

Unfortunately I don't see her the rest of the day and I have to stay late so I can't catch up with her at her car and wait like I did the other day. I can't believe how she manages to escape from me all day, blending into the crowd and when I do feel like I get a glimpse of her she is gone yet again.

Tuesday morning comes and the same thing happens. I pass notes to the girl behind her and watch as Ophelia stacks them on the corner of her desk. She doesn't even bother looking at them and by the time class ends she sweeps them into her backpack. I wonder if she will look at them later but I highly doubt it. I debate following her after class but I feel that might just upset her more so I don't.

So what the hell do I do. I sit with my friends at lunch. I steal every glimpse I can of her. I keep hoping that once she will look up at me I will see those eyes and it will be over with; she will see me and that will be the end of whatever this is. However she never looks my direction, she is in her own world her own little bubble. I even start to wonder about the story she is reading because its like she has literally dived right on in and trapped there for life.

And just when I thought that I might try to get up to talk to her, she heads out the door. A part of me wants to get up and follow her but the guys keep talking to me, distracting me.

I should never had touched her, putting that stupid clay in her hand when she specifically said no and I done it anyway and to beat it all stupid me attempted to kiss her and she flipped out. What the hell was I thinking. There has to be something wrong with me. I must not be her type. Maybe she doesn't see me the way that I see her but I thought I seen it in her eyes the other day while we were having milkshakes. I thought she liked me but maybe I am so wrong. What is wrong with me?

I keep fighting with myself because I have never had a girl completely ignore me the way she has been doing and honestlyit bothers the living hell out of me.

Ophelia:

I feel him staring at me, not just him but everyone. Since my parents refused to let me stay home today, I shut the world out around me by placing my ear buds in and turning on just enough to keep everyone at bay. I know I hurt him everyone knows it, everyone knows that I messed everything up.

Everywhere I turn I feel him watching me like a stalker. During lunch, I don't even bother going through the line instead I go out to the parking lot and sit in my car and crank up the radio. I tilt the seat back as far as it will go and close my eyes zoning deeper into my world.

The funny thing is when I close my eyes I think of him. I see that smile and honey golden brown eyes glistening but then the glimmer behind his eyes fade behind the smile that is no longer there...I did that. I destroyed his hopes. Why do I have to break his heart? Why can't I just be freaking normal like all the other girls in this school?

At the end of the week, I can still feel him around me but he is not paying as much attention as before as if he is giving in and finally giving up on me. That is what he should be doing anyway, giving up on me because whatever he thinks was happening between us will never be able to happen. I can't get that close to him or anyone for that matter. I can't let him get into my personal bubble, my world. If only he knew how difficult it is for me. On the inside my heart wants nothing more to be touched, to be loved, to be freaking normal. However my body won't let me, it rejects the touch of another. It's like my body is made of porcelain and one touch will make it all crumble and break into tiny pieces shattering into pure nothingness.

I noticed that he stopped following me down the halls and I see him with his friends more while leaning against the lockers and eating at lunch. He stopped passing notes to me and the ones he had given me rest in the bottom of my backpack that I still haven't gotten up the courage to read. What is it with him and his notes anyway.

I can't seem to focus on anything today. Everyone is super excited about the game tonight and at the moment they are having a pep rally that I don't attend. During the pep rally, I go to the art room to finish up my project instead. I have special permission to miss all rallies because I flip out being surrounded by all the people, the noise and everything bothers me and I have major sensory overload. My parents and the teachers came up with the plan my freshman year and this just happens to be better for me.

I start painting and out of the blue I hear someone playing a guitar in the hallway. At first I thought it was something cutting into my music. I turn down the volume on my phone and sure enough I hear it even louder because now I hear his voice, humming and I know it's him without even having to look. However I turn towards the door, towards the boy who sings while playing his guitar. I watch as he enters all the way and then leans up against one of the desk and continues to sing. I didn't know that he could play and it's actually pretty impressive.

Today he is wearing a pair of jeans with the knees practically ripped out and he is wearing a school class tee. He looks like he should be at the pep rallyhowever here he is with me. "Come up to meet you...tell you I'm sorry..." he starts singing and my heart just melts.

I feel myself blushing as I roll my eyes bvb ack at him. I have never seen anyone do this. Well not in real life you know but in the movies it happens all the time. I feel frozen in my spot behind my isle and I know if I move I will surely break. I can't believe he is here like this singing to me.

I thought I scared him away but for some unknown reason he is here.