Trapped in Ophelia's Body

How do I make it up...

Song: Say something I'm giving up on you By A great Big World & Christina Aguilera

I don't know how many times my phone keeps going off, it's so many times that I reach over and power the thing down and drop it in the passenger seat. I just don't feel like talking to him right now. When school is officially over, I drive home.

My mom is in the laundry room folding the clothes. "How was your day sweetheart?"

"Fine...I'll be in my room."

"O-kay." She drags out. I know she wants me to tell her more but I'm thankful that she just drops it and doesn't ask me anything else. I throw my phone on my bed and don't even bother turning it back on. It's not like I don't have other things that I can do. I only leave my room to go downstairs to eat dinner with my parents and then the rest of the night I curl up on the bed and start reading a new book.

I wasn't in my room but a few minutes when I hear a light knock and my mom enters quietly. "Staying home all night?" she asks.

Seriously, she knows I never go anywhere so why ask now. "I stay in every night mom." I roll my eyes at her.

"Well we think you should get out more often. What about that boy, Kodiak, maybe you two could do something...like go to a movie."

I roll my eyes for the millionth time. "We are not a thing mom...besides I just started a new book." I hold it up for her to see that I really am busy.

"Well, I was just saying you should get out and do something. Oh well, hope that book is good." She turns and leaves but doesn't shut the door all the way. She does that on purpose so that I have to get out of the bed. I place the bookmark in the book and get up to close it.

Not only do I stay in all night, I do all the next day too. My parents have to be somewhere and won't be back till late so I can do whatever I want. I choose to stay in my room in my bed, protected by my four walls with my head into a book.

Kodiak:

I can't keep my eyes off of her. I love the way her soft curls fall so effortlessly against her shoulders and her back. I try to get her attention in math but she ignores me then again she is ignoring everything around her so it's not just me. At first I thought maybe I did something wrong but then I lean over and notice that her ear buds are in. I decided to let her be. However after class I catch up to her in the hallway and ask her, "Hey...you ok?"

But to my surprise she brushes me off like I'm not even there. I feel like I don't exist in her world and it hurts. I walk to my next class with my head down. I just don't understand. I see her again at lunch. She is staring out the window and I know she wants to be outside away from the chaos but it's raining. I could take her away from here; give her a place to go just to be alone and that'sexactlywhat I plan to do. I tap her on her shoulder and say cheerfully, "Guess we can't go outside today."

When I finally look down at her she is looking up at me with those big blue eyes and they are full of tears begging to escape. She looks like her world is caving in and it so breaks my heart. "Come on follow me."

I grab her hand and pull her down the hallway with me. I know a quite place because I go there very often. I keep asking her if she is alright and of course she keeps brushing it off like everything is fine. I take out my sandwich and start eating and I look up and watch her carefully take hers out of the bag. I watch as she takes a bite, then another bite I can't help but not smile because she is eating it the exact same way that I eat mine.

I finally get up the nerve to ask her about tonight but she hurries up and changes the subject asking me about the art class. So I show her what I am working on. I don't tell her it is a sculpture of her. At first I didn't know what to do but as I sat in class that day I happen to look out the window and there she was sitting under the tree and the wind kept blowing her hair up in her face and she looked, looked so beautiful. She does everyday but something about that day, I'll never get that image out of my head.

I tried to get her to try it, to carve the clay. She kept refusing and so I placed a solid piece in her hand because she was afraid that she would mess mine up. However I wasn't expecting her to flip out. Dammit! I should never have done that. I watch frantically as she looks around for something to wipe her hands off on and then she quickly walks over to the sink and scrubs and scrubs until almost raw. I don't think she even realizes how hard she is trying to get it off and it's already gone. When she is done she turns around and almost bumps into me.

I should not have been that close to her but I feel bad. "Sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's fine...it's off...I'm fine." Shit her eyes are all teary, what have I done. I try to think of something fast hoping to get her mind off of it.

I have a brother who is autistic and I know he gets like this sometimes. He has melt downs and sometimes even has a hard time calming back down just from touching something like that. I know she isn't like him but a part of me is starting to question about it. So I tell her about Kia. I think it upsets her more.

"I'm fine...dr...drop it."

I feel really bad and I want her to forgive me for doing something so stupid. I'm so close to her and I can feel her blushing and oh my god I just want to kiss her and I lean even more. I never expected her to put her hand between us and it was almost like being slapped for doing something so crazy. Dammit...another mistake I made. She will never forgive me for this. I should have at least asked before trying to kiss those sweet lips of hers.

She pushes past me.

"Ophelia...wait...I didn't mean to do that...please don't go."

But she is out of the door in record time. By the time I get to the door she is down the hall and out the main door. And I know she is leaving school all together.

Dammit! I messed up. I just want her to like me. Why did I do that? Why? I try to text her over and over hoping that she will answer but nothing she never replies back.

I was going to go out tonight. I go out every Friday night but tonight I stay in and just go on to bed early, thinking about how to make it right between us. I text a few more times over the weekend and nothing. She is officially ignoring me.