Trapped in Ophelia's Body

A special Surprise

Song: Here's my heart by Say we can fly

Being with Kodiak has its moment. I enjoy being with him. It's nice to have that one person that you can talk to even if he does get on my nerves every now and then. I try so hard to be a normal girl around him because I don't want him to freak out and what if it's just too much for him. What if he gets tired of me and all my little quirks? What if I'm just too much but not enough? I know I'm rambling but my brain won't shut down.

I keep replaying the night over and over. His hands on me, I like but I don't like. I don't mind the gripping but the soft touches set my skin on fire. Not only that but rubbing on me, skin on skin, makes me cringe to an extent anyway. It's mostly when our skin is dry but if I have on lotion it helps so I try to remind myself to add lotion every morning. And even then sometimes I can't stand when he lingers at one spot because then it's like my body goes on high alert and all my nerves travel to the one area and it actually hurts.

I can handle the kissing as long as it's not next to my ears, that's when I get this electric feeling in my body and I have no control over when my body flinching trying to make the tingling go away.

I want to experience more you know. I want to be a normal teen that is able to have that kind of relationship with the opposite sex...meaning...Kodiak. I want to know what it's like to actually be with him but I'm scared shitless. I just feel that I will never be able to experience that kind of interaction because it's taking everything in me just to let him be as close as he is now. What if he gets tired of waiting on me...What if I will never be able to give him what he wants?

Prom is coming up and a part of me wants to go but then a part of me doesn't want to go. I know it's like a very important thing to go to or so my mom says. She feels that I should at least attempt going afraid that if I don't then I will miss out. So what if I miss it, just because it means something to her doesn't mean that it does to me. I sit at the table listening to her go on and on about when she was in school and how her prom was...the color and style of her dress. She even gets up from the table to go retrieve pictures of her and my dad at the prom.

"See...don't we look so cute. Oh how I miss those days." She shows me the pictures.

My dad smirks, "Yeah, and the party afterwards...right."

My mom slaps him against his arm and gives him a stare. He just laughs but then they don't say anything else about the party. I don't even want to think about what happened. Gross!!!

"So has Kodiak asked you yet?" my mom gets right to the point.

"No." I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe he doesn't want to go either. Maybe he knows that I don't care to go."

"Uhm...if he does you already have our permission."

"Yeah...ok." I nod my head and then shake it. "Could you see it, the two of us all dressed up on the back of his bike."

"Oh...no...young lady. You cannot and will not ride on the back of that thing in a dress," she says matter if factly as he looks at me and then at my dad. He nods in agreement.

"Like it matters anyway....we probably won't even go."

However the next day at school everyone is talking about the prom next Friday night. The theme this year is a masquerade ball. It does sound kind of cool but I still have my doubts. Then at lunch I go outside to eat and Kodiak comes up beside me and hands me a box.

"What is this?" I smile back at him.

"Open it." His eyes light up with excitement.

I hold it firmly in my hands and then open it. A blue butterfly flies out and lands on my leg and then it flutters away. I watch it as it travels lightly in the spring breeze. I look in the box and there is a note all folded up. Kodiak and his notes. I take it out and unfold it; hundreds of little cut out hearts fly out. There is a comic that he has drawn out. It looks like he has spent a long time doing this.

There is a boy holding out heart shaped flowers to a girl and the words in the bubble say. 'Will you go to prom with me?' The next box shows the two eating and there is a heart between the two. The last box, the boy and girl or dancing and he has drawn fireworks all around the two and they are kissing.

First of all how do I say 'NO' to that? I mean there is no telling how long he spent on drawing all this out. It's not stick figures either. I mean it looks like it came right out of a comic book. I am lost for words. I look up and he is holding flowers in his hand.

"So will you go to prom with me?" he says with a heartfelt tone with the right facial expression  to match.

"I...I...I don't know...I..." I stare into him and he looks almost sad. He knows that I am going to say no and it hurts to see him this way. "Yes...." I smile back at him. "Yes I will go with you."

"YES!" He burst out cheesing with excitement. "So you will need to get a dress. I need to know what color you're going to wear so I can match you some and the corsage of course needs to match."

He seems so excited and as he talks about it. I would be lying if I said that he had my full attention. My mind has gone to everyone around me. Voices talking about me. Eyes staring at me. By the end of the day my anxiety has reached its peak. I sit in my car in the parking lot and just sit there. I can't seem to move to turn on the ignition and even if I do I don't need to be driving at the moment. I feel all jittery inside and it's really hard to breath.

There is a light knock on my window and I jump. Kodiak is looking back at me with a concerned look. He makes a motion with his hands telling me to roll down the window. So I do.

"Hey...you ok...something wrong with your car?"

"No...its fine...it's...it's...nothing I will be fine."

"Ophelia, what's really wrong?"

"If you must know. I had a panic attack...I...I'm...sitting here because I told my parents I wouldn't drive if I felt weird."

"Oh...How about I take you home. Your dad can drop me back off to get my bike later."

It's a nice gesture however I'm not sure my parents would like him driving g my car. "No...I should be fine."

"But you're not....your trembling. Come on move over I will drive."

"Actually....can we ride on your bike. The vibration might actually help some."

He shrugs his shoulders and holds the door open for me to get out. "If that is what you want...sure." He hands me a helmet and I hop on the back of his bike. He starts it up and the vibrations run through me. I hold on to him as close as I can as he takes me home.

Both of my parents happen to be home today and they look at the both of us when we walk in. "Is everything alright; where is your car?" my dad asks while looking out the window.

Kodiak talks for me, "She was not feeling well and I didn't want her to drive home...so I brought her home."

"That was mighty nice of you," my dad tells him. He looks over at me. "You feel any better sweetheart?"

"A little...I still need to go back to the school to get my car."

"We can go get it later, it will be alright."

"So how was school?" my mom asks. And I know what she is really asking, why were you feeling bad? What caused a panic attack? But she doesn't ask it that way.

"It was fine...just another day...oh and...Kodiak asked me to prom."

My mom grins so wide that you can see her shiny white teeth. "I knew it....you said yes right."

I nod my head at her. She jumps up and down like a freaking toddler. "You are going to have so much fun...Oh my goodness we have to get a dress and shoes. We only have less than two weeks."

"Mom...calm down...it's just a dance."

"Just a dance...oh no honey, this is prom."

I look over at Kodiak and he is also grinning ear to ear. There is no backing out now. He is so excited...my mom is so excited. The only one not cheesing is my dad and me. My dad really hasn't said too much about it. I wonder if he is thinking back to when he took my mom to prom...and that party that they do not elaborate on.