He moved closer to me, without parting our lips. Before I knew what was happening, I was on my back, against the couch cushions with Matt on top of me. He very gently kissed me, however, all I could do was think back to being in the truck with Jared. The way his hands felt on my skin, the taste of his salty flesh, and the heavenly sound of his soft groans. I couldn't deny that I missed him.
Matt's tongue moved along my collarbone and made me remember the way I licked over the tattoo on Jared's. I missed him so much even though I'd never admit it to another soul. Part of me was still angry at him for screwing some whore, but I couldn't control my feelings of anger about it. He said it was only once, but I'm not entirely sure that I believe him. Regardless, you can't turn feelings off and on when you want.
Matt was grinding his body against mine and I let his hands wander under the straps of my dress. I was angry at Jared for pulling away from me tonight and figured what the hell. Finally, I was able to let go of my anger long enough to relieve some stress, and he chooses tonight of all nights to do the right thing. I knew that I didn't want to take him back, but I could've used some stress relief for sure. It's not like I would've been fucking a stranger, he's still my husband, as he likes to remind me so often.
My fingers wandered under Matt's shirt, pulling it over his head. I felt dizzy and confused, but was determined to let this happen. As the minutes went by, I found myself going through the motions, unable to stop the thoughts of Jared that took over my mind. Matt must've noticed my lack of participation and backed off.
He pulled himself up, off of me, and stood at the side of the couch. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up. "Kristen I can't, you aren't into this and I'm not an asshole like that."
"I'm just a little dizzy, that's all. I'm sorry Matt, I think maybe it's too soon." I wimped out. There was no way I could have sex with him. I liked Matt a lot, but Jared was right, it would be like cheating if I went through with it. Why did I feel this way? We are separated and I was sure that Jared had been with other women. My feelings were all over the place, hot one minute and cold the next. Matt didn't deserve to be used like this.
"That's fine, I'm in no rush." He said, pulling his shirt back over his head.
"I'm so sorry... I let him get to me again." I admitted as he sat down next to me. I hated the fact that I was still having feelings for Jared.
"Wanna talk about it?" He so sweetly offered. I couldn't imagine how this must seem to him, dating another man's wife.
"No, I don't want to talk about him at all." I couldn't talk about him to Matt. I picked up the remote and turned the tv on. We were watching a movie and must have fallen asleep on the couch. The next thing I knew the sun was shining in my eyes and I got up from the couch. Walking into the kitchen, I started the coffee and watched Matt beginning to stir, shifting from an uncomfortable position.
