Killed by Cancer

Chapter 63

'If I had one wish, you'd stay forever,' - Unknown.

Today's the day. The day that I had been dreading. The day that filled me with such anxiety. It was his funeral. I wore a black dress with a single rose embroidered near the shoulder area. It reminded me of the flower that Tyler picked out for me. The one that I watered everyday without fail.

I applied concealer to my under eye area and waterproof mascara in case I did end up crying which was highly likely. Spraying myself with two squirts of perfume, I sat on the bed. I let out a breath.

I didn't write a speech because then it would mean that it was all planned out and fake and I didn't want that. I held the flower that Tyler and I looked after together. It was the rose he picked out for me. I put it in my pocket neatly.

There was a knock on the door.

"Honey, we're going now, the car's here," Mum said.

"Two minutes," I said.

"Okay, we'll be downstairs," she said.

I put on my black heels that weren't too high and headed to the stairs. I walked downstairs and stopped midway. Lilly was in a black dress. John was in a black suit and Ryan wore the same. Mum was wearing a black dress too and lastly, Ariana was wearing the same black dress but it just hurt more to see her in it.

I gasped as I chocked on a sob that I tried to keep in. They all diverted their attention and looked at me as I ran back to my room. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm so pathetic. I honestly cannot do this.

"Alexa?" Mum asked.

"Can I just meet you there?" I asked.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah, you guys go in the car," I said.

"Okay, we won't start without you, I'll make sure one car stays outside so you can get there," Mum said.

I heard the front door close and I knew they were gone. Ben taught me a technique that helped me to calm down. I had to take a deep breath in through my nose, hold it and then breath out through my mouth. After a couple of minutes of doing this, I was much more calm.

I left the house and went inside the car outside. It drove me to outside the church where it was taking place. I walked in and everyone looked back when the door closed. They looked at me. I recognised some from school and some were Tyler's family.

I walked to the front row where Mum was. On the opposite side, I saw Tyler's mum sat down. I was frustrated to see her here but I didn't want to cause a scene. What hurt more was to see the baby that she held in her hand. She had a boy.

"Alexa," Ryan whispered.

I averted my attention from Tyler's mum to Ryan. He patted the empty space next to him and sat down. I zoned out when the funeral started until I heard a baby cry. Tyler's mum passed on the baby to someone else and walked to the front.

"Tyler was my son and I just wanted everyone to know that I did love him. He made a lot of sacrifices for me and he took care of my daughter for me too. I admit I wasn't much of a mother but I've  learnt from my mistakes and I get another chance to make it right. I'm sorry Tyler," she said.

I felt anger rise in me. It was too late. Too late for her apologies. I managed to use the breathing technique to calm myself down because I didn't want to cause a scene. I didn't want to ruin his funeral.

"Okay, now another person that wants to say a few words is his girlfriend, Alexa," The priest said.

Ryan squeezed my hand reassuringly. I stood up shakily and walked to the front. Quickly, I glanced over the room to see who exactly came. I have to say it was a good turnout.

"Many of you probably already know that I was pretty close to Tyler. He was the light of my life. He was the reason that I came to school smiling. This is probably the most awful speech ever, sorry Tyler. I can't put it into words how much I miss him," I said, the emotions hitting me hard.

I didn't make eye contact with anyone but looked forwards.

"I'll tell you about how we met, I remember that exact day. I was running late for lesson so I was practically rushing with my books in my hands and I wasn't looking where I was going and I crashed into Tyler and my books all tumbled on the floor. I was so mad at him and I was blaming him when we both knew it was my fault for not looking where I was going," I said, whilst the tears were making my eyes blurry.

"It hurts so much knowing I will never hear his laugh or his voice, not feel his touch, not see his smile, not even see him have a tantrum or there'll never be another time where he steals my food. God, I would give anything just to see him one last time and say goodbye because I wasn't ready to let go. I wasn't ready for this,"

"Tyler was the most kind hearted person I know and even though most people just saw him as the school's bad boy, he showed so much love to the people he cared about. Everyone who met Tyler will love him for his personality, he is and always will be my soul mate. There will always be a hole in my heart that will never heal since he was gone. I knew he was the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and though that's impossible now, I'm glad he had me for the rest of his life and that he did have people that loved him as much as he loved others,".

"Our time may have been cut short but the happiness that we shared will last a lifetime. I will mourn the loss of my boyfriend, my best friend, my everything, for a long time but it'll comfort me knowing that he loved me to no ends,"

"Until we are together, I am not complete. I will wait for my turn, my turn where we are together again. I may not have been your first kiss, your first date or first love but I'm glad I was your last everything. Love your forever Tyler," I said before I broke down in tears.

To be continued...
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Sorry for the late update.

Shall I summarise the funeral in the next chapter or is there a particular person you want me to write out their speech like I did with Alexa ?