He Submits [BTS Fanfiction] √

S P E C I A L C H A P T E R iii

Edited and republished
041119

- Hannan ♥

Special Chapter

Noon pa lang ay hindi ko na talaga gusto ang ideya ng pagbubuntis, lalo na kung magaganap iyon bago ang kasal sa murang edad. Hindi ko kailanman isusulong ang teenage pregnancy, kahit na guilty as charged ako sa paulit-ulit na pag-commit ng premarital sex.

It was inevitable for Jimin and I, I might be guilty for admitting it, I wouldn't deny the fact that I loved everything about our relationship.

Noon ko pa tinanggap sa sarili ko kung ano kami sa isa't isa at noon pa lang, pinatunayan ko na sa kaniya kung gaano ko siya kamahal na kaya kong baliin ang prinsipiyo ko maging ang batas ng diyos para lang sa kaniya.

We were sinners, we were immoral human beings but only because we were not perfect, we were humans with a lot of flaws and imperfections.

At habang naka-upo ako sa toilet lid sa loob ng banyo ng office na inilaan para sa akin ni Daddy rito sa main office ng U-Co., habang nakatitig ako sa bagay na nasa mga palad ko na tila isa iyong napakalaking pala-isipan ay damang-dama ko ang mabilis at malakas na tibok ng puso ko.

I didn't want to acknowledge the truth being lent right in front of my eyes because my mind was constantly standing up by its principle—my ass—because I knew how misplaced it was. Also, for the first time since ever, my heart had to agree with my mind, they became on the same boat, failing to accept the truth.

Damn it, kahit ako! Kahit ako ay hindi ko rin matanggap. I wasn't ready for it! I didn't like it! I knew, I would never be, in that very moment.

Kusang nagpakawala ng mga luha ang mga mata ko kahit na walang pahintulot ko. I was too messed up to even mind it. My hands that cradled the white rectangular thing started shaking as everything also started sinking into my mentality.

I almost felt like vomiting, hoping it would make me vomit what I had put myself into.

Yes, pinangarap kong maging ina ng magiging anak ni Jimin pero hindi kailanman sa ganitong pagkakataon.

Mga bata pa kami. I just graduated and I still had yet to find out what I really liked in this world, kasama si Jimin doon pero marami pa akong gustong malaman. I still wanted to explore my life, set and achieve goals, and being pregnant and a mother wasn't something that ever crossed my mind. So instead of being happy like I knew any normal woman would do, I just sat on top of the toilet bowl, crying and mourning for all the goals and dreams I would probably lose if I would decide to keep it.

I wasn't a murderer and I was afraid to become one just because I was both scared and unprepared, I couldn't go on to this without properly equipped with knowledge and courage, I knew I would fail.

"That… that sucks," ani Mira na mas nagpalala ng nararamdaman ko.

I had to tell someone about it, kung hindi ay baka hindi ko kayanin at tuluyan akong makagawa ng desisiyong maaari kong pagsisihan. Ayaw ko ring mabaliw kaka-isip ng tungkol sa bagay na iyon kaya kinailangan ko ng taong makaka-usap. I knew Mira wouldn't understand me, I knew she would only make me feel even worst but she was the only person I could trust with it.

"I know! I don't want to blame him for this 'cause it was my fault for forgetting taking a pill! Mira, I don't like this, n-not at all," naiiyak kong sabi saka ko siya hinila para yakapin. Saglit kong naramdaman ang paggaan ng kalooban ko nang yakapin niya ako pabalik pero muli rin naman niyang pinabigat ang nararamdaman ko sa mga sunod niyang sinabi.

"You've already done a mistake once, so try not to do it again. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan mo ay paniguradong itatakwil ko pati sarili ko pero isipin mo, you have Jimin. He won't let you go through this alone. Let him know, and then make a decision together. This isn't a joke, everything isn't."