We're Only Liars // Peterick

☆'Til There's Nothing Left☆

*My life has fallen apart thanks to my dad, he has stopped me seeing all my friends completely. I love how he expects me to confide in him, as if. He knows nothing about me and he never will. One more year and I get to move out and away from him. Sorry for that, I just cant stop crying so im gonna write this now*

Patrick's POV. (Trigger warning!)

Numbness, what a horrible feeling; ache is present, tears are shed, cries are heard yet pain is gone. Empitness takes over your whole factory system, nothingness drives the cogs, desolation mans the engine, inanition steams the flanks, depletedness fills the tanks and hollowness completes the papers because you are literally uncapable of living your own life. You need a personified feeling, a new force of living, to do it for you. That's how worthless you are. You are nothing.

Worthless.

So I stood here once more, running away from the darkness and fighting the edging voices because fear is all I know. Illumination of the harsh lights stalk me from above, but that fear and numbess forbids me to eye the brightness and they still force me further down into the ebony im stumbling through. I feel nothing yet see everything. I saw myself coming apart at the seems, fading around the edges and slipping away from sanity. I saw myself trying to grip anything I have left, any trace of hope or any scrap of faith because I didnt want to let ago since I knew I would never come back. I would be lost in my conscience and in my own mind. Im just a would've been, could've been, should've been, never was and never ever will be.

Worthless.

The razor blade I gripped was unbelievably fascinating, so thin and delicate yet sharp and brutal. That slim line of metal twisted in my fingers just like that glass, only this time my tips weren't the victims. I may of been losing myself but I was smart enough to not be stereotypical. My tips and my wrists weren't the victims. I knew I had to feel in a place no one could see, no one could find. It couldn't be obvious, somewhere secluded, somewhere easy though. My tips, wrists and hips weren't the victims. I wanted a sensitive area, a place where the numbness would be lost. A place where I could access with no trouble. My tips, wrists, hips and stomach weren't the victims. I knew what I wanted, it was simple, easy, not obvious and trouble free. It was secluded and extremely sensitive. My tips, wrists, hips and stomach weren't the victims. My thighs were.

Worthless.

The blade was rigid between my fingers, smooth against the callouses. I lifted my right leg up from underneath my robe and placed it up onto the closed toilet seat. The blade, my friend, moved between my fingers, anxiously thirsty. I felt a rush of adrenaline course my veins and seize my breathing temporarily. I brought my friend for a meet and greet with my paled skin, they eventually greeted but then I forced them to meet. I watched him hungliry slash his way through, opening up new paths. A lump in my throat formed and I could taste the iron filled blood in the back. The scent of the bitter liquid was overwhelmingly as he ate up more and more skin. I could barely feel a thing only a tingly sensation filled my body as I eyed the steam of crimson that ran and built on the seat.

Worthless.

I dropped my friend, he lay accomplished on the floor covered in his meal. 12 beautiful deep lines ran along my now pinkish skin, the blood congealed in numerous paths which conjoined into one thick long highway. I just stared at my handiwork, well my friends handiwork, and smiled. I actually smiled. The pain, the sting, the burn was playful. I wanted more but too much was selfish, just like play time at school. Too much is wrong, all I have to do is wait.

Worthless.

So wait is what I will do. In the mean time I hesitantly wipe up my pool of blood with some tissue and clean around our creations so I could patch them up. I needed to put some actual clothes on, Pete could easily see the bandages around my thigh. I sighed into the deafening silence as I placed the bloodied tissues into the toilet hub. I pulled the lever, listening to the cascading water crash through the quiet scene. That smile still sat contently on my lips, it felt good to know I could still experience happiness. But people do say 'joy comes in many forms' dont they?

Worthless.

The blinding light seeped away as I left the bathroom, I reappeared into the darkened living room. Pete still lay stiffly on the corner of the couch, breathing contolled. I heard his breaths in the regained silence as I slipped away from the room towards the staircase. Each and every step was agony, but I adored it. I loved how I could feel the skin breaking apart and rejoining with each movement. I felt no guilt, no regret, no solecism, no remorse, no sin, no crime, no dishonour. I felt redeemed. As if I have been given a purpose again. I now knew that no one could ever harm me again, I already beat them to it.

Worthless.

Only the voices understood me now, they're there for me every single waking hour. For God's sake, they are even in my dreams! I could rely on nobody but them, they're my everything now and I will listen to everything they say. I am nothing with out them.

Worthless.

The room before me made me shiver, the room, my room, our room. The place I found my voices. All I came here for was my clothes, something to hide away my new meaning in life from prying eyes. I turned to our wardrobe and picked through her clothes to find mine. I pulled out some plain simple jeans and a plain simple top, just like me; plain and simple. Her long mirror that stood in the corner caught my reflection and her doing stared back. The bruising, the cuts, the scraps and the wounds. I grinned once more because I knew they cant hurt me anymore, like I said 'I already beat them to it'.

Worthless.

Worthless.

----------------------

*Short? Yeah I know, shoot me. Sorry im in a bad bad bad bad bad bad terrible BAD mood /(..)\*

The album 'Sempiternal' is like my life at the moment. Thanks Oli.

'if you can't soar with the eagles, then don't fly with the flock.'

----------------------

Say farewell to the tragic hearts

-shesmywinona27