Arranged Marriage - Shawn Mendes

30

It was like living in a horror movie- everyone had turned. Turned not only physically but turned in their attitude towards me. I witnessed the change in my mother again- her alcoholism and substance abuse morphed into a dystopian creature that manifested in her abusiveness and her inclination to push everyone away that loves her or loved her.

My father was also slowly diminishing- his happy and lively self dissipated; his shoulders drooped and the bags beneath his eyes became prominent. The smile that had once laced in between his plump lips had become unraveled and revealed a deep dark never-ending pit of darkness. His demeanour had warped into a malicious spirit- slowly gnawing away at him.

Shawn was the scariest by far- his infidelity made me question if I was worthy, if he really wanted me. His fluffy chocolate brown hair sunk into a flat mess on his head. He looked skinny- abnormally skinny with pale bruised skin. His cheeks had sunken and his cheekbones were bulging.

I was terrified.

I was in the hotel room I'm in now- white walls and one big bed with blue accents scattered around the room. I woke up and Shawn was glaring over me with a menacing look, his hand grasping a picture of us Andrew had taken earlier that day- shawn had poured popcorn on my head and I was screaming and he was laughing hysterically. He moved his other hand onto the photo- ripping it in half. My face dropped. My mother and father's laughs echo across the room- they joined Shawn in sinisterly cackling. Their words echoed and chanted around my head- they circled and absorbed me: "ugly"; "worthless"; "I don't know why I ever loved you" all sunk in and cut in deep like needles piercing my skin. Shawn continued to stand in front of me- a blonde girl appeared and they began kissing; tears entered my eyes as Shawn stopped and scowled at me a smirk reaching his lips. My parents stood by and laughed- hurling insults at me.

I was shaking and crying hysterically. Shawn had a hold of my shoulders, rocking me back and forth in an effort to wake me up- I wanted to wake up and I could feel Shawn grasping me but I couldn't- I couldn't pry myself away from this nightmare; it felt so real. Eventually I woke up in Shawn's arms- he curled me up as he whispered soothing words to me, calming me down and gently pressing his lips on my forehead. I pushed Shawn away- I didn't know what I was doing; I panicked, even after his affection he had shown me, I couldn't shake the nightmare I had. Shawn looked confused- he scrunched his eyebrows up at me as my hands and my legs begin to shake uncontrollably. I curled myself up on the corner of the sofa as tears began to trickle down my face. I turned to face out the window, only realizing that the blinds were closed so I turned my attention back to Shawn. He continued to be confused as he inches closer to me, grabbing my hand in his, stroking it gently as he begins to talk to me softly, "hey, baby, Reiny, please don't cry" he cooed as he pulled me back into his chest, holding onto my head and stroking my hair "it'll be alright, it was just a nightmare, it wasn't real, ok?" He peered down at me as I looked up to him and his eyes connected with mine as his hard eye contact was made. I nodded my head as another tear cascaded down my face, Shawn quickly intercepted the droplet as it got to my cheek- his finger swiping it as his hand rested on my face.

"Thank you" I whispered to Shawn who was half asleep- he mumbled a 'hm' in a questioning tone and slightly opened his eyes. "Thank you" I repeated as he cleared his throat "it's fine, I love you" he pecked my lips lightly for a few seconds and pulled back, tilting his head to the side like an inquisitive puppy, "are you ok now? What was it about? Are you dying? Oh my god! What if you're dying?-" I cut him off by grabbing his hand and half-heartedly laughing, "I'm alright, just a little shaken, and no I'm not dying" I shake my head closing my eyes, a small smile lightly tugging on my lips. His hand reached out of mine and grasped my cheeks, making my lips puckered as he leans in kissing me but keeping my lips.

By this time, Shawn had been sleeping for a few hours, his head was rested on my shoulder as we continued to be cuddled up on the sofa as neither of us could be bothered to walk the two metres to the bed. I couldn't bring myself to sleep- the words from before kept spinning around in my head, the images from the dream blacked my vision. I know Shawn would not do that to me, but, it felt like it was actually happening (although it was mostly unrealistic) it has effected me- I won't get out of my head. I looked down to Shawn gently breathing, his chest is facing down with one of his arms is over me and the other is underneath my neck. His hair kept tickling his nose every couple of minutes and he kept scrunching his nose and rubbing it (I thought for sure he was going to wake up but he didn't).

I really don't know how I got this lucky- I'm a London girl with a false identity (which I'd almost forgot about because I'm so aquatinted to being called Rein not Florence) and I'm also madly in love with Shawn Mendes a Canadian heartthrob. I never thought my life would come to this- I didn't even know who Shawn was before Andrew found me in that music shop in Manchester! Although there's been lots of lows; the highs have equaled them out and surpassed all of my expectations for what my life was going to bring.

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I MET SHAWN AND HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLAWLESS AND THE TOUR IS SO AESTHETIC AND BEAUTIFUL (please ignore the rat on the right xxx)