TROUBLED (completed) (re-writing)

Chapter Three [I'm Falling Apart]

I'm falling apart,

and I can feel every piece hitting the ground.

And It's killing me.

-Unknown.

_______________________________________

No, no, no!

He didn't see. There is no way for him to see.

This can't be right. How can this happen? It's been three years since I've felt anything. A small emotion such as showing a smile should mean nothing, yet it's all too much.

I jump up from my desk and stare at the guy sitting in front of me. I am terrified.

I bolt towards the door and quickly exit the trailer. I start walking fast to the side of the school, as I'm nearing the front of the building I am suddenly pushed up against the brick. I swing my hands and kick my feet trying to get away, but the person just pins my arms above my head.

Wow, maybe I'm being dramatic but I never expected this to be the way I would die, I've always figured the cause of my death would be myself.

"I'm not going to hurt you," The guy says. "calm down Sally."

I open my eyes and see the person from the trailer.

He followed me ..?

I don't say anything. I don't blink. I just stare.

He rolls his eyes and starts speaking again. "Listen, I don't know why the hell you ran from that trashed class room, which by the way I've claimed that space and I don't like to share my shit, but anyways you seemed pretty freaked out, how come?"

I continue to stare at him. He only stares back waiting for an answer - one that he's not going to get.

I bring my leg up and knee him in the crotch. Instinct.

He groans in pain as he lets my wrists fall to my sides. I step over his body as he rolls around on the dirty ground. I go to walk away but pause, I slowly turn back to the guy in pain, I can't help but feel slightly sorry for him.

"I'm sorry." I say in a small whisper before walking away.

Of course, after three years the first actual thing that I say is, "I'm Sorry."

I near the front of the school and sigh, there is no way I am going back to class, I guess I'll walk home early.

_______________________________________

Here I am again sitting in my room with nothing to do.

I get off of me messy carpeted floors and walk into the small bathroom connected to my bedroom. The sight of myself makes my heart clench, why can't I just be beautiful like all the other girls? Why do I have to have such plain features? My skin is deathly pale and my eyes are too big. I can't even stand looking at myself.

I turn around and look down at the razor blade tightly held in my hand, the one I have been holding for an hour now.

The alarm that usually goes off in my head seems so distant, so pointless. If the way I live right now - alone and no one to care for, or to be cared for by - what's holding me back?

I pull up the bottom of my shirt and slide the blade over my hip.
Tears pool in my eyes as I suck in a deep breath.
I'm stupid to give in, but also too damaged to really think about what this may cause.

And only one thing rings loud and clear, if every cut could make me more beautiful, I would be perfect.

______________________________________

I push extra bracelets up my arm as I walk into the school.

Why did I even show up today? Oh right, because he was home ... No way was I going to spend all day in the same house as him.

I walk into my first class and of course the little brats that I share this subject with stare, it seems to be all they're capable of doing.

-"-"-"-

My first three classes hurried by, I guess sleeping while all the other kids are ''learning'' is how I got through.

Without really thinking, I walk behind the school and start making my way towards the trailer. I don't remember the guy from yesterday until right as I pull open the door, I take a look inside but thankfully I see no one.

I step in and sit at a desk, before I know it my eyes are feeling heavy.

-"-"-"-

Poke. Poke ... Poke.

What the hell? Why am I being poked?!

Without opening my eyes I swing my hand around and slap whoever is harassing my sleep, I manage to get them right in the face.

"What the fuck?!"

Realization dawns on me as I become more awake and I recognize the voice.

I slowly lift my face up from my arms and look at the guy I ran into in this very same trailer just yesterday.

He looks down at me with an unreadable expression.

"I thought I told you that this is my space, and that I don't like to share my shit." He folds his arms across his chest.

"I - um ..." I try to answer him but I can't get my voice out. I hate how small and fragile I sound.

Maybe It's because I just woke up, but I swear I see something in his eyes soften.

He runs his hands through his hair as he looks around the room.

We both speak at the same time,

"I'm sorry."

We look at each other - both surprised.

What exactly just happened?