TROUBLED (completed) (re-writing)

Chapter Four [My Silence]

My silence is just another word for my pain.

-Unknown

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"What?" He blurts.

I turn away from his direction, hoping he won't see the nervous look on my face.

Why am I even apologizing to him?

He words my thoughts."Why are you apologizing?" 

He sits down in the desk beside mine and patiently waits for an answer. I rub my hands up and down my arms and stare ahead. What does he want me to say?

"I - um, well I kicked you... There..."

I embarrassingly gesture to his ... Area ...

He stays silent for a minute, then surprises me by bursting with laughter, why is he laughing?

I look over at him for the first time and actually get a good look at his face, his eyes are a color I have never seen before, they're a very light hazel almost like the color of wood, or sand. Honestly they look fake. His dark hair falls in waves over his forehead, in a messy/done way, he has a small pronounced nose that I am jealous of. His face looks like it belongs to one of those overly confident guys who always end up having three new girlfriends at the end of every week

"Why are you laughing ..?"

He stops and looks me straight in the eye. I hold his gaze for a second than look away uncomfortable.

"You apologized for defending yourself, why did you do that?"

"What do you mean why?"

"When you kicked me, that was out of self defense. I shouldn't have approached you like that I'm the sorry one."

"Oh, um well ..."

We fall into an awkward silence. I play with the bracelets on my left wrist and don't look at him. I can feel him watching my fingers slide across my covered skin.

"Can you at least tell me your name?"

I bite my lip. Why should I not tell him my name? Then again why should  I tell him my name? I don't know this guy, I know absolutely nothing about him.

But It's just a name ... It's not like he can really do much with just my name. I'm over thinking things.

"My name is Hayden." I say in a small voice.

"Hi, Hayden, I'm Ryder. It's very nice to meet you."

I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or serious, so I choose to ignore him for the rest of the lunch period. He doesn't seem to mind, he hasn't looked up from his desk in over fifteen minutes, I think he fell asleep.

I lay my head down on my arm and close my eyes. My head wrests on my wrist, the feeling of my bracelets pushing into the slits on my skin helps keep me calm and somewhat collected.

I am just starting to doze off when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Lunch is over, do you want me to walk you back to class?"

I don't look up at his face, instead I stare at his wrists that are visible due to his quarter sleeved shirt. He has quite the collection of rubber bands,  knotted chains, and even some band logos.

"Uh ..." Ryder pulls his hand away from my shoulder, almost self consciously and puts it behind his back.

My eyes widen as I realize I was staring and never answered his question.