TROUBLED (completed) (re-writing)

Chapter Eleven [I Over Think]

I over think too much

And by the end of the day 

I have convinced myself

That I'm a horrible person

 And that all my friends

Hate me.

-r

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A\N The picture to the side is Olivia. Tell me what you think:)

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The frozen grass and rocks crunch under my black boots. There's snow falling lightly, if my life was normal I would smile at the sight, but its not. I walk under a dim street light and look up, the night sky looks so peaceful with the snowflakes and occasional wind. As I continue to walk again I start to pay more attention to the numbness that is of my fingers. I was stupid enough to leave the house in the middle of the night without taking gloves. 

Why did I leave the house in the middle of the night?

Because I had woken up in a small puddle of blood in the middle of my bathroom floor. When I was walking back from cleaning up the sticky blood, I had noticed that there was a lot more moonlight coming in threw my curtains than there normally is, so I pulled back the curtains and saw the snow. Me and my mother had always took walks together the first time it snowed each year. 

I wish that she was here with me... Joking, laughing, living...

 I start walking again before memories of when I was happy flood my mind. At night when its snowing, its so soothing. Its only November second, but the thought of spending another Christmas alone in my freezing cold room slows the small rhythm of my heart. I swear that I can feel it clenching with sadness and disappointment. 

Being adopted and all, my parents used to spoil me on Christmas. All I had to do was ask for what I wanted and on Christmas day it would be under the tree wrapped in my favorite snowman paper. I guess it helped that my parents had money. but now all my holidays are spent alone in the same place, no turkey on Thanksgiving, no ham on Christmas, no chocolate on Easter. Just me, my music, and my razor-blade. 

I am a complete different person than I used to be, yes I admit I was once spoiled, but I wasn't mean, and I appreciated my parents, something I would tell them everyday was that I loved them. And now here I am seventeen years old, with no parents. My "Fathers" alcohol, and groupies are all that he cares about. 

He finds his escape in two things. Just like me. The only difference is as he hears the moan of a woman, I hear the hard beat of drums. As he takes a swig from a bottle, I take a slit from my razor blade. 

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Returning back to the house I brush the snowflakes out of my hair and knock the ice from the bottom of my boots. To be completely honest, my mind has been stalling... I have done everything to get Ryder out of my head, cutting worked for a bit, until I passed out and escaped into darkness. But now that I have nothing to do, worries of what happened to Ryder return. 

Looks like I'm going to school tomorrow. 

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Wow! Super super short I apologize:C

I'm not sure when I can update next, so I wanted to publish this chapter as soon as I could. Please comment what you thought about it, those are always appreciated:]

Also, like I have said before, comment if you have a book that you would like me to check out. If its a new {or not so new} story that you're trying to get votes, and comments on, let me know! I am thinking of doing this thing once a week where I give a shoutout to a chosen person. Do you think I should do that??