TROUBLED (completed) (re-writing)

Chapter Fifteen [And Feel Numb]

When you've been sad for so long

that when something bad happens

you don't cry,

you just sit there

and feel numb.

-Unknown.

_________________________

"Hayden." 

Ow.

"Hayden."

Ouch.

"Hayden."

What's that noise coming from? 

"Hayden, wake up." 

I open my eyes and stare into familiar light ones. 

"Thank god you're awake. I was so worried." He sighs.

I look into his eyes confused. "I'm not dead yet?" I ask very faintly. He takes a deep breath but doesn't answer my question. I try to take in our surroundings. Surprisingly we're still in my bathroom. Ryder has my body cradled in his lap, I freeze at the contact. 

Than realization dawns on me... "I'm not dead yet?!" I try to push myself out of Ryder's lap, but doing so causes my wrists to open up. I scream because the pain took me by surprise. 

"Calm down, its okay, you're okay."

"That's the problem, I'm supposed to be dead!"

"No you're not. You need to stay strong, I'm here with you."

"No Ryder. I need my mom." I finally break from his hold. I fall onto my knees and crawl over towards my vanity where I pull open the middle door and search for my escape. Its not there.

Ryder stands up from the floor and watches me with pain in his eyes. "The pills are gone..."

"No!" I scream. How could he? He took away my only chance of leaving. The scary truth settles in and before I know it, I'm collapsing again. 

______________________________

I wake up to a pitch black room. I can feel the familiar feeling of my worn out dark blue comforter pulled over my waist. I sit up and fumble around for a second trying to find the switch to my small lamp on the side of my bed. I twist the knob filling this side of the room with a dull yellow lighting. I rub my tired eyes and glance to my right, laying on my bed is Ryder... That wasn't my blanket over my waist, its his arm. What is he doing here?! 

I look down at the cloth covering my wrists. He must have cleaned them when I was passed out. I kick the sheet all the way off of my legs and sigh in relief when I see that I was still in the same clothes as earlier. Thank god he wasn't one of those guys. 

"Hayden..?"

My head whips in Ryder's direction. 

"What are you doing here?" 

He pauses thinking. "I had a bad feeling after dropping you off... So I came back, don't think of it as creepy."

"How did you get in..?" 

"Uh- when I got here the front door was left wide open. So I went in and that's when I found you."

"Oh." I whisper. 

"I'm really sorry... I couldn't let you die.''

Usually this would be when I should thank him. But him not letting me die wasn't a favor. I'm half expecting him to say, Aren't you going to thank me?

But he never does. 

Instead he lays back down besides me and gently pulls me down next to him. I am too tired to protest. I didn't know it, but when I laid down my T-shirt rode up, revealing the scars on my hip and up my side. 

As I drift off to sleep I feel a gentle, yet rough finger tracing the pink and white scars. 

"You're so beautiful..." Ryder whispers. 

That's the last thing I hear before letting my breathing even out and my brain to mute. 

___________________

The sun wakes me up. Damn me for forgetting to close the curtains. Without opening my eyes I reach my hand out to my left and feel the emptiness beside me. 

He left.

I get up from my bed not tired anymore and walk to my bathroom I pull open the strangely closed door and shriek in surprise. The shower is running. 

Ryder peeks his head out of the shower and smiles. "Oh you're finally up. Hope you don't mind me jumping in the shower real quick."

I shake my head.

"I thought you left..?" 

"Sorry to get your hopes up, but you can't get rid of me that easily." He smirks.

I stand there in a shocked silence. Than I come to my senses. What am I doing?! He's naked behind the curtain. Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Oh gosh! My cheeks flame red as I turn around and run out of the room. 

I am such a fool!

Five minutes after the embarrassing incident, Ryder comes out of the bathroom in the same clothes he wore yesterday, black jeans, a red button down with a black Nirvana shirt under it. I guess his shoes are somewhere in my room because he's currently barefoot. I'm a bit taken off guard by how comfortable he looks. 

"I'm going to get a quick shower." I hurry past him and rush into the bathroom. I'm about to strip out of my clothes, but than remember that I forgot to bring a change of clothes. I walk back into my room and don't make eye contact as I walk over towards my closet. 

I sort threw my mostly all black clothing. In the end deciding on a Hawk Nelson band T-shirt and my black skinny jeans. 

Ryder has stopped putting on his black Vans to watch me. I quickly gather my undergarments and a jacket before hurrying back into the bathroom. 

When I finally step into the shower I gasp when I see that I had left my blades sitting on top of the shampoo bottle. That means in order for Ryder to have washed his hair he would've been forced to move them and put them back. 

I take a very short shower trying to hurry out. After getting dressed and brushing my hair and teeth, I walk out of the steam filled room. 

Ryder is sitting on my floor putting together a Barbie puzzle that I used to play with when I was little. Where did he even find that thing? 

"What are you doing..?"

"I saw this in the corner so I decided to put it together." He shrugs. 

I don't say anything more. I pick up my all black high tops and put them on. 

"I'm taking you to breakfast."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm not hungry."

"I am." 

______________________

This is defiantly a boring chapter, especially the end. Sorry about that:0 

Please tell me what you thought, comment, vote, if you liked it. I'll try to have a new chapter up soon:)

The picture is of Hayden. And the Album is By ATL. Check them out if you haven't already. You won't regret it.