TROUBLED (completed) (re-writing)

Chapter Twenty One [I Might Do Something Stupid]

A\N The song attached to this chapter is amazing, I know its old, but trust me, its amazing.

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Please don't ask if I'm okay.

I might do something stupid,

like open up to you

and I'm really tired of getting close to people

and watching them leave me

like I'm nothing.

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I can never get a peaceful sleep, but when I do, I tend to cherish it longer than needed.
So when I woke up this morning to a warm bed but an empty spot beside me and a cold pillow, I decided to stay.

This time he wasn't taking a quick shower, or downstairs cooking breakfast, he was simply gone. And I knew that for a fact because after twenty minutes of curiously waiting a return and there wasn't any, I glanced out the window and up the street to where his navy blue jeep was parked. I saw an empty parking space.

But, surprising I wasn't sad, or disappointed.

Why should I be?

He has his own life- but no family to go home to. Ryder has gone threw way more than an average teenage boy should. Losing one family member is terrible. But losing three? Hell.

What if he leaves?

I can't answer any of my own questions. frustration takes over my limbs as I fling the bed sheets away from me. I stand up and grab a change of clothes. Walking to the bathroom is almost a chore. I wince at my reflection, As I notice my bruised stomach is starting to heal a weird feeling washes over me. What is wrong with me? I have felt different lately. Harming myself hasn't been on my mind 24/7 like it used to.

I sink to the floor as a sudden realization hits me. I haven't been bored.

Does this mean, all those people who say "Girls only cut themselves because their bored. They crave attention." Are right? That's not true though. Maybe some people are dumb enough to self harm for attention, but I'm not. I do it because it helps me.

"Stop." I croak. "Please ... Stop!" I'm getting images of me hurting myself, blood, the relief.

You can guess what happens next.

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Walking to school in eleven degree weather isn't the smartest thing to do if you don't own winter boots or a coat.

But I've never claimed to be smart.

The farther I wander, the colder it gets, my mind dims a little. Allowing me to rationally think. And maybe that's not the best idea ...

Putting myself in Ryder's place, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'd be in tragic pain every second of every day. This proves how strong Ryder is, and how weak I am.

But what if Ryder stops being strong? What if he decides to give up?
I'd be there for him. Surly, just like he would be there for me. But, what if that's not enough? I shouldn't be thinking this right now.

I'll talk to him.

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"Yo, Hayden!" A deep voice comes from behind me. I slowly turn around, cautiously I look at my surroundings, I don't recognize that voice.

My eyes catch a tall guy around the age of seventeen or eighteen. Defiantly a senior. He has dark skin and eyes, but an innocent smile.

"Um, who are you?"