Profile // A Spencer Reid Love Story

Chapter 14 // "Who's Adam?"

After our flight landed, I had offered to help Reid carry his stuff back to his apartment. We decided on taking my car so that I could drive since he physically could not. His car was left in the BAU building's parking lot. The car ride consisted mostly of silence. Reid leaned his head against the window and I kept my eyes on the road. The only noises that could be heard were the almost inaudible moans of pain coming from Reid every time I hit a bump or stopped short. I'd apologize each time and then ask him where to turn next in order to get to his apartment. Other than that, we didn't talk. I didn't mind, though, the car ride was fairly short and the two of us were way too exhausted to have a full on conversation anyway. 

Once I carried his bags into his apartment and set them on the couch, I gave him a small smile, said my goodbyes, and started to walk out of the door. That was, until he stopped me.

                              "Who's Adam?" 

It took me a few seconds to turn around and face him, wondering why and how he could have possibly known of Adam. My eyes met with his, and I waited for an explaination. 

Reid sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets, "When I got shot and you were with me behind the car, although I was almost unconscious, I heard you call me Adam." 

I tried hard to recall me calling him Adam, although everything that was happening in that moment was a complete blur. I was so focused on keeping Reid alive that I didn't even know what I was saying or doing. However, if he remembered it, then it definitely happened. 

"He was my boyfriend." I admitted, now looking down at the maroon colored carpet. When Reid didn't respond, I decided to elaborate. My story with Adam wasn't exactly one that you would tell to someone that you had just met about a week ago, but I was growing tired of not telling anyone and trying to forcefully shove that chapter of my life behind me. I wanted to vent, and in that moment, it probably should not have been to Reid, but there wasn't a better choice around and even hearing Adam's name brought back every single memory that I couldn't possibly keep just in my head.

"He abused me after we moved in together. I thought that it would stop, but it never did. Every single night I knew what was coming for me, yet I never did anything about it. I..I'm not going to go into details." I explained, looking back up at Reid. Still no response, so I continued.

"I still cared for him. Deeply, I did. I guess that's why I called out his name instead of yours...because I care about you." I paused, holding back the tears that were quickly forming in the corners of my eyes.  "I loved him...I still do. Is that bad? That's bad, isn't it? The fact that I'm still in love with the man that left me with bruises and broken bones." 

Reid listened, taking it all in. "No, it's not bad." He replied, shaking his head slightly. Most likely, he was just being sympathetic. No one should ever still have feelings other than hatred for someone who rarely showed them any compassion or love, but rather violence and arrogance.  Reid continued, "We can't help it. Who we fall in love with, I mean. Love is essentially many chemicals that cause you to feel a certain way. Those chemicals...they won't stop being produced if you truly do care about someone. Please don't blame yourself for still loving him, please. You don't deserve that kind of pain." 

I nodded at him, a few tears started to fall down my cheeks. Reid noticed this, and walked up to me, placing his hand on my cheek and wiping away my tears with his thumb. 

It was funny. I had just met this guy, yet in the span of seven days I feel as if I have known him for a lifetime...and here he was, comforting me after I had just told him the one and only thing that I had kept private from everyone. Later, I knew that I'd probably regret telling him, but for now it felt nice to have someone finally there for me. 

Once I finally got my self together, I felt pretty embarrassed by how puffy my eyes probably were and how red my nose probably was and decided that it was time to head back to my own apartment and get some much needed sleep. "I should probably start heading back. See you later, okay?" I said as I made my way towards the door, opened it, and stepped outside.

                  "Thank you, Spencer." I turned back to look over at Reid. He nodded and smiled softly, I smiled back before closing the door and heading back to my car.  

Exhausted was simply an understatement. However, I found myself lying awake in my bed that night, replaying his words about how love was a chemical and how I shouldn't blame myself.

                            I never thought of it that way.