Profile // A Spencer Reid Love Story

Chapter 13 // Losing Humanity

***Author's note: The song that I listened to while writing this chapter was Wings by Birdy. I just thought that I'd put that out there incase you'd like to know what kind of atmosphere or mood this chapter has. x***

Chloe's POV.

Moments after I had shot him, Agent Morgan came running in, his gun aimed at the doctor's limp body. "I..I didn't mean to...I wasn't aiming for his head. My heart is beating really fast. Is it bad that I can hear my heart beat right now? It's really loud. Super loud, in fact. My heart feels like it's going to burst out. Can that happen? Physically, can your heart burst out of your-" I rambled until Reid cut me off. "You saved my life." 

Once he said that, I couldn't help but just stare at him with wide eyes. It wasn't until he said it that I could actually register it into my brain that I had just saved one of my team members. I was so focused on the fact that I had killed that doctor that I didn't realize that if I didn't, Reid would have died. 

"Can you hear me?" Reid asked quietly because I wasn't responding. "Yeah, I heard that. That makes it so much better." I smiled, even though there were tears racing down my cheeks. "Thank you. Thank you so much for saying that." I choked out. "Thank you for doing it." Reid replied, our eyes still glued on to eachother. "Uh-huh. Anytime." I said while nodding my head, my voice still uncontrollably shaking. I wrapped my arms around him as he leaned upward in the hospital bed, placing one arm tightly around my back and the other keeping him propped up. "Okay, you're okay." I breathed out and closed my eyes, taking short deep breaths. 

1:45 AM || On the plane.

JJ, Agent Hotchner, and Agent Rossi were able to track down the rest of the people involved with the unsub and shot them all down. So many things had happened within the past few hours, leaving us all quiet on the plane. Small talk was exchanged every few minutes, mostly about how much sleep everyone will be getting tonight. I sat alone towards the back of the plane, staring out of the window. Reid, although slowly, joined me after grabbing a cup of coffee. "The point of caffeine is to keep you awake, Reid. Don't you want to sleep?" I asked while smirking. "You're probably right, but I'd hate to waste it." He replied, taking a sip before setting the cup down on to the table. I looked down at the cup for a few seconds before returning my gaze to the window, seeing nothing but pitch black considering we were still high up in the air. 

"Are you okay?" Reid asked after a few minutes of silence. I looked over to him, "You're asking me that?" I raised a brow. "Well, you just seemed upset." He shrugged, looking down at his hands. 

After about a minute or so, I responded to him, "I killed someone today, Reid." 

He quickly looked up at me, "Chloe, you had to do it. There was no other option and if you hadn't done it, we would both be dead right now." Reid reached over and rested his hand on my arm, reminding me of the time that I did that to him at the coffee shop. 

"I know. I knew that if I worked for the FBI, that I'd have to do it eventually. But now actually having done it, the feeling is just...excrutiating." I shook my head, a lump forming in my throat. "I don't want to lose my humanity to this job, Reid. I can't stand having to get into the mindset of these criminals. How much different are we from them if we have to understand them on a daily basis? I killed a criminal today, I know that and I can understand that. But the thing is, I killed someone. No matter who or what they were, I still ended their life. That's what is going to haunt me for the rest of my life." I swallowed hard and blinked a few times, my vision turning blurry from the tears forming in my eyes. 

We sat like that for several minutes, his hand resting on top of my arm and neither of us looking at each other. An occasional sniffle could be heard from me. 

"You saved me, Chloe, and I will forever be grateful for you." Reid said to me, breaking the silence. "None of us ever feel truly happy whenever we have to take an unsub's life, but that's the job. You did an amazing job today, especially for your second case. It's not an easy job to do, but you're extremely strong. Doing what you did made you my hero, okay?" He gave my arm a light squeeze. 

I nodded my head, grinning at the boy sitting across from me. Seeing him grin right back made me feel instantly better about the whole situation.

Spencer Reid had a smile that could light up the sky in a millisecond. And although that was not physically possible and I'm sure that if I had even mentioned it that he would give me a full length lecture on how it was not scientifically possible either, if his smile could not light up the sky then it could definitely light me up inside, as cheesy as it sounded.