Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

Give the Kid a Hug (2)

Gerard's POV

"Goodnight, Eve. I love you." I need her to know. I need her to know how much I love having her in my life, but she's asleep, and besides, I don't want to rush her. I don't want her to think she needs to call me 'dad' before she's ready or anything.

We only met three weeks ago, but on my end, I've already been caring for her for months. Going through background checks, house inspections, signing paper after paper, preparing this room for her. It's all been worth it.

I remember the guys' reactions when I told them I wanted a kid. I told Mikey first. He was unsure, but supported me when he realized how serious I was about this. Frank was excited, "Maybe I won't be the shortest anymore!" And Ray didn't take me seriously until Mikey told him I'd already filled in an application. One thing's for sure, though: they all thought I was out of my mind at first.

Even I thought I was out of my mind for a while. I went back and forth on the idea for a long time, the whole thing was terrifying to me. But, what was even more terrifying was the thought of how many kids are in desperate need of a good home. That's what made me decide I was really going to go through with the adoption thing, and when I found Evelyn I really knew I'd made the right choice.

But now, in her room, her head nuzzled into my chest, the overwhelming happiness I usually feel when she's around, the pride in thinking "that's my daughter!" has been replaced with sadness.

At least she gets some peace now that she's asleep.

I don't know what happened. She seemed fine all day, excited to see the guys again even though they were here just last night.

I'm so glad she likes them. I never knew Frank could be so good with kids. The others are, too, but he seems to have connected with Evelyn differently. Maybe because he's somewhat of a kid himself.

She even hung out for a while as we played some songs, but then retreated to her room about halfway through the session. I thought she was just being antisocial, maybe the music was too loud. I should've gone after her. I could've prevented that panic attack. I shouldn't have left her alone.

I wipe a tear off my cheek and slide out of the bed, being infinitely careful as to not wake up my daughter. I go straight to my room and pick up the phone, dialling the first number that comes to mind.

"Hello?"

"Frank?"

"Gee? What's up?"

"I- um, I dunno," I sigh. What am I even doing?

"You okay?" He asks, a hint of worry in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. It's just, Evelyn, man. She was fine. She seemed fine to you, right?"

"Yeah, same as always. In a good way, I mean. Um, why? What happened? Is she okay!?"

"I- I don't even know. Soon as you left I went to check on her and found her crying. I mean, completely sobbing."

"What, why? Gee, what happened!?"

"I don't know what happened, Frank! And- and I didn't know what to do, right? So I tried to hug her, comfort her, y'know? And she just told me not to touch her." Recounting the incident is making me sadder and even angry at myself.

"Well, you kept your hands off her then, right?"

"Yeah, of course I fucking did! But she was in complete panic-mode by then, you know? Like, she couldn't breathe or anything. I thought she was gonna black out. I was scared, can't imagine how she felt."