Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

How to Ruin a Party

Is it really okay to be messed up? Gerard says so, but I'm not so sure. He doesn't know what I mean. He doesn't know the extent of it.

He doesn't even know what happened.

I'm fighting to stay awake now, my eyelids feel heavy and I've almost drifted off a few times, but I don't want to go to sleep. I'm perfectly content here with my head on Gee's shoulder, wrapped in the warmest, softest blanket I've ever felt.

He'd just finished telling me that he's not normal, that no one is. I guess maybe he's right. I don't even know what I meant by 'normal' anyway. It was a stupid thing to say, and all I could think to reply with was, "Okay."

"Do you understand me, Eve? We're gonna stick together, alright?"

"Alright."

"Good." He's speaking incredibly gently, especially when he then adds, "I love you, you know?"

"I love you too, Gee."

I can't fight sleep any longer. My eyelids close and the events of the last few hours are finally wiped from my mind for a while. That's the beauty of sleep.

• • •

I wake up in my own bed, not being able to remember Gee taking me up here last night. When I check the time my heart drops when I see it's only 6AM. I still feel tired, but I don't think it's the kind of tired that any more sleep can fix. I'm just tired of messing up, tired of bothering people, tired of losing people.

My mind immediately goes to last night's events. Emerald leaning in, my heart speeding up, and then the feeling of her lips on mine. Then, that feeling of bliss draining out of me when we see her dad standing at the bottom of the stairs. The look on his face, the angry fire blazing in his eyes, the even angrier words he spoke next.

Oh, and of course, there's the fact that I ruined everyone's night. Gerard was supposed to have a good time. Ray, too, but I suspect he went back to the party after dropping us off. And then there's Frank.

I ruined his birthday. I must have. I mean, I spammed his phone, I forced Gerard to leave way too early, he was probably wondering what the hell was going on. I could've just stayed on that bench all night. I would've survived... I deserved it anyway.

Im hurting. I'm hurting so bad, but I feel empty at the same time.

I've decided here and now that I'm not going to get out of bed today. It's not worth it when I'll just find a way to ruin something else if I do.

I roll over and grab the piece of paper with the poem I wrote in that hotel room. My problems seem so minor looking back, even if it was just over a week ago. What did I have to be so sad about?

I read over it one more time, shaking my head. Stupid. I'm tempted to rip it up, but I just put it back on my nightstand then bury myself deeper in my blankets.

Gerard's POV

My most pressing question is: how did she end up on that bench and why? What the hell happened in that house? I can only think of the worst possible situations. I swear, if someone there hurt her...

I already know she won't want to talk to me right away. Especially considering how shaken up she was last night. But, I also know that talking helps. I don't want her bottling it all up.

I check the time.

Shit, it's early.

I didn't get much sleep, though. Far from it. I bet the other guys didn't, either, considering they were out really late. I can't help but feel a little left out, but then thinking about Eve makes those feelings fade away.