Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

Nothing But a Tragedy (2)

A/N: ...sorry... trigger warning ⚠️

"Everyone hates me," I told Mikey over the phone. I wish that was my only problem, but it's nowhere near to being my only problem. I'd list all my issues, but it'd take too long.

I caught my uncle Mikey off-guard, I realize by the way he stammers, "What? No— no they don't. No one hates you."

"Yeah, they do. No one at school could stand to be around me, I have no friends, Gerard hates me now for lots of reasons, and I can't see why you and Frank and Ray wouldn't too." Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away quickly.

"First of all, Gee loves you, like he promised you today. He talks about you all the time and how great you are, and Frank and Ray do too. And I can assure you, Evelyn, that I don't hate you."

"You could be lying." I've been lied to before, so it's only reasonable that I assume the worst now, too.

"I'm not lying. I promise you, I'm not lying. You. Are. Loved."

"But I- I really fucked up this time. And- and I'm scared Gerard's gonna yell at me and... oh, Mikey, he definitely hates me."

"Eve, you... you messed up, yeah." He confirms what I already know. "Gee definitely isn't happy about it, but I swear he doesn't hate you. It's not gonna be a fun conversation, that's for sure. He's gonna tell you... well, about a lot of stuff you didn't know. And he's definitely gonna make sure it doesn't happen again, but you just need to listen to him and talk to him. He won't yell at you, though."

"What- what do you mean he's gonna tell me about stuff?" I'm starting to really dread this upcoming conversation more than ever. Not to mention regret my own actions, and even calling Mikey in the first place.

"I have to let him tell you himself, but don't worry too much." Don't worry too much? I could've laughed. Maybe Mikey doesn't really know me. Of course he doesn't. No one knows the real me. The real, fucked up, me with the voice in my head and the fucked up thoughts and fucked up past and— well, Raven and Krash and Zero know about that last part, but I don't really want to think about them. When I don't say anything, Mikey adds, "No one hates you, really, Eve. You messed up, but it's gonna be okay."

I sigh, but again I say nothing. Maybe he is telling the truth? He sounds sincere enough... No, Evelyn, of course he's not telling the truth. No one could love— no one could even like a stupid, pathetic, disgusting girl like you.

Stop.

You are worthless. You bring nothing but trouble and worry to the people around you.

Stop it. Shut up.

You ruined your relationship with Emerald before it even began, and now you've shattered that with Gerard as well. You fucked up any chance at having friends today, and everyone else is disappointed in you. When will you learn?

"Evelyn?" The voice on the other end of the line pipes up again carefully.

"Mikey, help me, p-please."

"What is it, Eve?" Mikey asks nervously.

"It just- it won't shut up."

"W-what?"

"It won't shut up!" I cry again. "I just want it to shut up. Why won't it shut up?" I ramble, knowing he won't understand what I mean. "I want it all to stop, Mikey. Why won't it stop?" I'm pleading, my voice shaking, and tears have started to run down my face. I don't bother wiping them away anymore.