Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

Pretend Wishes (2)

I stare at the mess of cake and shards of plate on the floor in horror. All I'm able to do is let out a feeble, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Eve! I'll just get you another plate," Gerard says. He's just trying to make things better. He's trying, but it's not working.

"No- no! It's okay..."

I don't need cake. I don't want cake. I won't eat cake. No one can make me eat cake.

Tears well in my eyes as I watch Ray begin to clean the mess on the floor. I can't help it. Frank and Mikey come into the kitchen to find out where the crash came from and he explains to them that I accidentally dropped my plate.

Frank looks up at me, about to poke fun at my mistake, just as the tears start to trickle from my eyes. His face falls.

"Eve," he says, "It was just a plate."

I'm unable to form any words. I can barely even suck in a breath, as my throat feels like it's closing up, like invisible hands are gripping it tightly. I just shake my head wildly, silently pleading that he understands— that anyone understands— that it's not just about the plate.

They don't and they never will.

I collapse onto my knees unwillingly as I start crying harder. My knees should be throbbing by how hard I hit the floor, but I didn't feel a thing.

"Evelyn!?" All four of the guys somehow ask in unison, panic apparent in their voices.

Through my mess of tears I make out Frank, crouched directly in front of me, bewildered, I'm sure.

Ray is looking at Gerard desperately as if he should know what to do.

He doesn't.

Mikey is simply frozen in place.

What sounds like hundreds of muffled voices fill my ears. Someone tries to hug me. Comfort me, I suppose. It only makes me spiral further.

"No, no don't touch her!" Someone hisses.

Everything is closing in around me. I need to get away. I need to get away.

In an unexpected movement I'm stumbling away from everyone. Away from the kitchen, through to the living room, and somehow barreling up the stairs toward my room. I'm sure everyone is looking at me, wondering what the hell is going on, but in the moment that doesn't even cross my mind.

I just need to get away.

I'm in my room now and I've slammed the door behind me. I didn't even mean to slam it. Even alone on my bed, I can't seem to find any relief. I'm still shaking and crying and hyperventilating and completely overwhelmed. I can't get away. I can't get away from the walls that are seemingly inching towards me, from the ceiling that feels like it's falling down over me, from my own head that's screaming incessantly.

Why won't it just stop?

I spoke too soon. This is the moment I learn that a panic attack can make you go unconscious.

• • •

Gerard's POV

Not again, Eve. Please, not again.

Today was supposed to be a good day. The party isn't much, but it's for her. Now she's on the kitchen floor, trembling and sobbing, and I don't know what to do.

I can't touch her, it'll only make it worse— I learned that the hard way last time.

I see Frank start to reach his arms around her and tell him just in time, "No, no don't touch her!"