Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

Wednesday (2)

The blue clothes with the blue, the black with the black... maybe I only do this to distract myself from my messed up life? I don't think it's really been working.

When my closet is reorganized, I collapse onto my bed. I know I told Frank I'd go down and watch that movie with him, but I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally. I'm staring at the ceiling, my fingers running over my ribs, and ignoring the hunger gnawing at my insides, and that's when I hear a light knock on my bedroom door.

I sit up quickly, too quickly, and my head spins, black spots dotting my vision. I fall back down on my bed. I wait a few seconds then call, "Come in?"

"Hey Evie." It's Frank.

"Hi." I rub my eyes and stand up. "I- I was just coming back down."

"Take your time," he says gently. "We can stay up here for a bit and talk if you want."

I sit down on my bed again. "Okay," I say, hoping that my nervousness isn't seeping into my voice.

Anyone suggesting "a talk" sends a shiver up my spine. Everything I've done— during this week specifically— flashes through my mind. I've skipped school three days in a row, hung out with three strangers, high school dropouts, eaten almost nothing at all. Is he suspicious? No, he can't be. No one knows about all this.

He takes a seat in the black chair in the corner.

"What are we gonna talk about?" I ask, pulling the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands. A nervous gesture I've recently adopted.

"Whatever you want," he says, but I know there's no way he came up here to have a casual conversation about nothing in particular.

"If there's something you want to say or ask me, just do it." I didn't even plan on letting that slip from my mouth, but honestly, to think up a lighthearted conversation topic at this moment seems impossible.

He blinks, taken aback by my bluntness, but get's over it quickly. "Well," he says slowly, "Gee's really worried about you, you know?"

"Why would he be worried?" I ask, but even to my own ears it sounds like a ridiculous question. I'm fully aware of how I must've looked just earlier, but dishonesty and denial seem to be the only things I'm good at these days. I have, however, given up on my denial about my issues surrounding food. I have a problem I'm not intending to fix just yet. I'll be fine for a little while longer. Just until I get to where I need to be.

"He just wants you to be alright. You haven't been yourself recently, Eve. You seem more..." he pauses, seeming to choose his words carefully, "tired."

"Oh, thanks," I say sarcastically, crossing my arms. "I know I look like shit, anything else?"

"No, no! I just mean—" he sighs, and covers his face in his hands, takes a deep breath, then goes on. "Judging by whatever just happened downstairs you don't seem alright."

"Well I am, okay? I'm alright." I didn't mean to get defensive, but that's how it came out. They— he and Gerard— are inching closer to finding out my secret, uncovering everything I've been hiding for so long now. That scares me, so I need to put up walls. More walls.

Frank hesitates for a second. "Okay," he says. "Okay. I'll back off."

"Thank you."

"But you can always talk to me if you're ever not alright."

"I knew you'd say that. You always say that. And Gee too, but..." I sigh. But you don't really care. No one does. Not really. they all have more important things to think about than me and I think it's better off that way. It'll hurt less when I finally leave. Give up and run away, do something stupid and get myself killed, or...