Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

Emerald's Eyes

I pretty much slept all of yesterday afternoon until Gee woke me up and gave me a mix of rice and vegetables for supper. Something light and easy, I suppose.

I took a shower after that, but the hot water hurt the scrape on my shin from where Charlotte had kicked me. I tried to do some sit-ups like I do every night, but it hurt my side. So, I just went to bed. Now it's Friday morning. I panic when I check my alarm clock, only to see it's past 10AM. The first thought that goes through my head is, "how did I sleep for so long?" But that concern is replaced with a new one when I realize that I'm late for school.

Extremely late.

"Gee!" I yell.

"Yeah?" He asks frantically, running into my bedroom. It's like he was expecting it, he got here so fast. "Are you okay!?"

"Yeah, but why didn't you wake me up like three hours ago!? I've already missed all of first class!"

"I thought you could use a day off. Relax after yesterday, you know?"

"I mean, I guess so. It's not really necessary..." It's true, it's not necessary, but I'm secretly relieved he let me sleep in. I wasn't looking forward to facing everyone at school, who have undoubtedly heard about what happened.

"It's okay to take a day off once in a while," He insists. "You deserve it, Evie."

"Alright... thanks, I guess."

He smiles at me, "Let me go make you some breakfast," Then leaves my room before I can come up with an excuse.

It's okay, Evelyn, you skipped lunch yesterday, therefore this is just compensating for that. But, think. You have a valid excuse; you were beat up, you pathetic girl. You have a headache, your side is in pain. You. Can't. Eat.

When he comes back, he hands me a plate of toast with scrambled eggs. "You're spoiling me, Gee!" I say with forced positivity.

"Only the best for you, darling." I've always wanted to be called darling. It's such a lovely word. A much superior term of endearment than, I don't know, "baby" or "sugar" or something gross like that.

Gerard sits in a chair beside my bed, kind of in the corner of my room. It's a pretty cool chair. It's black. He said it was in his office before but thought it looked better in here.

I take small, slow bites. I'm hungry, I think, but is breakfast really necessary to me anymore? I don't think so. I've been getting by just fine without it, anyway.

He takes notice of my actions, though, "You feeling okay, Eve?" He asks softly.

"Um... I- I have a headache, I guess. It's nothing." I make my voice sound more sad and tired when I say "it's nothing" for added realism. I'm getting increasingly better at lying, and I know I should feel some remorse, but I just can't bring myself to care.

"Aw, Kiddo," He says sympathetically. "I called the school yesterday while you were napping. Charlotte is suspended for three days. That was the best I could do."

I nod and put my almost full plate on my nightstand. The thought of finishing it makes me feel sick for real.

He looks at me sadly, "I'll get you some water, okay? And an Advil."

Still, I don't feel bad that I'm lying. It's my fucked up head telling me to do it, so it's not really my fault, is it? That voice with the ideas that consume me, increasingly more often. "Don't eat this" "That was too much, go exercise it off"  "You're disgusting and unloveable, Evelyn" "Fat."

What I do feel bad about, though, is that the work that Gee is putting in to care for me is often redundant. Making me food that I don't finish, trying to help me with homework when my grades are probably already suffering anyway, doing everything in his power to make me happy and protect me when he'll never be able to protect me from the torture I endure within my own mind.