Finding a Way | Adopted by Gerard Way

What's It Mean To Be Fine

I ended up creating some lie about how there were just so many new people around, how I got overwhelmed, and that's why I panicked. No one can know the truth behind that meltdown.

I fell asleep in the middle of a group hug with Gerard, Ray, Frank, and Mikey, but now it's the next morning and I find myself alone in bed. It's only 5AM, may I add, and I'm starving. Literally? Probably. Do I care? Not at all.

There's no use in sleeping any longer, so I get out of bed to shower. I'm lightheaded and black out for a few seconds when I stand up, and stumble blindly toward the bathroom, but I'm used to it. Before actually showering, though, I take out the scale from its place in the cupboard under the sink. I managed to smuggle it up here without Gerard noticing.

I step on and make a mental note of the number that happens to be slightly lower than the one I saw yesterday. It's been going down steadily, my clothes have been feeling a lot looser, but when I look in the mirror I look no better than I did months ago. Worse, even.

Next, I check my drawer and look at the pile of lunch money I've saved up (surely over 40$ by now), then shut it again. I just needed to make sure.

Finally, I undress and quickly get under the hot water, the air feeling ice cold on my pale skin. I wash my hair, dozens of strands coming out and wrapping around my fingers in the process. I might do something about my unhealthy, dry hair if I actually cared.

A bit over an hour later, when I'm sitting on my freshly made bed and I'm already dressed for the day in an over-sized hoodie and leggings, I hear a light knock on my door.

"Come in?" It's awfully early for Gerard to be awake.

Still, he pushes my door open gently, looking like he hasn't slept at all. "Morning, Eve. You okay?"

"I'm fine," I say simply. I don't know how much truth is in that statement, but I also no longer know what it's like to be completely fine.

"You don't have to go to school," he says.

"Well, I'm already dressed and everything."

"I know, but Eve, you really scared us last night. I think you should stay home."

"I'm going to school," I state bluntly, grabbing my bag off the floor despite it only being half past six.

"No, you're not. You need rest."

"I don't 'need rest,' I'm going to school," I push past him and start going down the stairs.

"Evelyn, come back here," he calls after me tiredly.

I ignore him and go to the kitchen for a glass of water. There are no ice cubes left, but I drink it anyway, managing to finish every last drop and refill the ice cube tray before Gerard appears in the doorway.

"Come on, Eve," he insists. "It's early, you can go back to bed."

"I said, I'm fine!" I snap, but immediately regret it when I meet his eyes. He's carrying himself like there's a physical weight on his shoulders, his face is paler than normal, and he has dark circles under his eyes. He really mustn't have slept a wink. "I... I'm sorry."

He sighs, "It's okay."

I cross the room and engulf him in a hug, which he obviously wasn't expecting, but hugs me back.

"It's not okay," I mumble. "I'm really sorry."

"Really, Eve, everything's fine. You're stressed out, I get it. But don't bottle it up. You have so many people you can talk to, you know that?"

I nod into his chest, trying and failing to stifle a yawn. I guess I am still tired.

"Alright, let's get you upstairs," he says. I'm basically falling asleep against him now, so I wrap my arms around his neck and he picks me up with ease, taking me upstairs to my room.