Secrets Left Neglected

Chapter 52

Tadhg

By the time they wheel me into the ER exam room, I've regained consciousness. The dull headache that I felt earlier has now blossomed into a full-blown migraine. The overhead lights are like a million knives stabbing me in the eyes.

I grab a lumpy pillow, stuff it across my face, and moan.

I can hear Caoilainn talking to Fionn and Cian, who drove us to the ER, outside the curtain. "I can hear you, you know!" I yell at them. "You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here."

Caoilainn sniffles and I feel a twinge of guilt.

"Shit!" I curse to myself.

When the doctor comes down the hall he rips the curtain across the rails and walks over to my bedside. "How are you feeling, Mr. MacCrithein?" He asks, while looking down at his notes. "I hear you had a fall earlier tonight. Do you know what happened?"

"Do I look like a bloody doctor?" I holler at him. "How the hell should I know what happened?" I glance at Caoilainn and see her exchange embarrassed looks with Fionn and Cian before biting her lip.

Now what did I do wrong?

The doctor, his last name is Sherman judging by the hospital ID badge hanging from his white coat, looks up sharply at Caoilainn.

"This is my husband, Tadhg MacCrithein, Dr. Sherman," she begins. "I apologize for the abruptness, but Tadhg has a right hemisphere brain injury. It was caused by a blast injury when he was serving overseas. Part of his symptoms include seizures, Doctor. I think that's what may have caused his fall."

I bristle at Caoilainn's explanation. Again, for the second time tonight, I feel like a child needing someone to talk for him. "Don't you think I could've told him all that, Caoilainn? I told you to stop treating me like a child. I'm not-" I say, before being cut off.

Caoilainn has moved forward quietly. She holds my wrist gently with the palm of her hand. The light pressure on my wrist causes me to look down. I see the bracelet I'm wearing on my wrist.

I roll my eyes. Along with feeling like a child, I'm twice in one day reminded by my therapist's voice to stop and think before I speak. To try to understand that Caoilainn is only trying to help me, to support me, to love me.

I growl in my throat at myself.

When I look up and away from our hands, I take in the doctor's face and suddenly draw a blank.

"What was I saying?" I ask him.

I can't remember what we were talking about and feel tired. I look around the room and see Fionn and Cian standing silently by the edge of the curtains. "Hey, guys, what're you doing here?"

Taking in their appearance, I notice how dressed up they are. Then I look down and find myself a lot more scantly clothed in a hospital gown. I don't even remember putting it on. I feel my cheeks warm.

I look back at Caoilainn and motion with my head for her to come closer to my bedside. "What're they doing here? How did I get here, Caoilainn? Why are they so dressed up and why am I not dressed? What's going on?"

Caoilainn puts a hand to her mouth and closes her eyes. I'm not sure, (I can't trust my own perception like I used to), but I think there are unshed tears in her eyes. She doesn't let them spill over, however, but leans forward and kisses me on the mouth lightly.

"It's ok, Tadhg," she reassures me with a weak smile, patting the back of my hand. "Everything's going to be ok. Let me talk to them for a moment, and then I'll be back. Meanwhile," she continues looking up at the doctor for support, "I'm sure Dr. Sherman can keep you company and go over what happened. It was a seizure, honey. You took a pretty bad fall earlier tonight. Fionn and Cian were kind enough to help us get to the hospital. Let me say goodnight to them and then I'll be right back."

"Ok," I say, shaking my head 'yes'. "Hurry up, ok?" I ask her. Suddenly, an avalanche of emotions threaten to smother me. I need Caoilainn to come back and hold me; to tell me everything's going to be alright. What a disgrace it is to be a grown man clinging to his woman like a toddler who clings to his mother's skirt.

I must have mumbled that last sentence out loud because in an instant Caoilainn returns to my bedside. "No, Tadhg," she says confidently. "NO. It's not a disgrace. I'm your wife. You're my husband. We were made to cling to one another in times of both good and bad, in health and in sickness. You've always been there for me and now I'm going to be there for you, ok?"

I nod my head, humbled, and let her go to say goodnight to our friends.