Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

38 (November 16th, 1975)

ROGER'S POV

It was half past one a.m. and the only noise I could hear was the engine of the tourbus as we were driving over a bumpy country road, through the night.
My ears were still ringing from the loud concert which made the silence appear even more intense.
The small bunk beds we had to spend our nights in were shaking and squeaking loudly because of the rough ride.
I just couldn't fall asleep.
I was lying on my back, staring at the bus's roof above me.
The urge to climb into Brian's bed right underneath mine came up inside of me and I had already pushed my blanket aside as I suddenly remembered our argument from earlier.
It would have looked quite stupid if I would have just crawled into Brian's bed like that, even though I was still salty at him. And he would've probably kicked me out of his bed as soon as he'd noticed my presence.
Freddie, Paul and John were there after all.
I sighed.
I decided to have a look at Brian to see if he was still awake;
to do so, I leaned over the bed's banister and let my upper body fall down, holding onto the wooden framework.
My eyes needed a moment to get used to the darkness and trace Bri's pale face in the white pillow.
He was fast asleep, his face was embedded in his long dark curls and his eyes were closed peacefully. He was beautiful.
"Bri, are you still awake?" I whispered, even though I knew that he wasn't.
I jumped down from my bed and sat down on his bedside, looking at him.

He wouldn't even notice if I cuddled up next to him... And I was cold. Brian would be warm and soft.
I was about to lie down next to him but suddenly I noticed that someone was watching me.

I turned my head and discovered John who was lying in the bed next to Brian. He was awake and he was looking at me.
"Why are you still awake, John?" I asked quietly as to not wake up Bri and Freddie. And Paul. Well, I wouldn't have minded interrupting his sleep. But he would have made some stupid comments, probably, being the annoying twat he was.

John shrugged. "I can't sleep, it's too loud.."
I nodded. "Yes, same!" My gaze wandered back towards Brian. "I better not wake him up.." And with that statement I got up from his bed and joined Deaky on his.
"Gimme some blanket!" I demanded and pulled the blanket completely towards me. I covered myself in it and smirked as Deaky was clearly freezing and hugging his pillow.
He sat up and leaned against the wooden pole that was supporting the bunk bed, pressing the pillow against his chest.

"Is everything working out between the two of you again?" The bass player asked. I couldn't identify his emotions as he was staring at the pillow.
I chuckled.
"Oh, you know, it's not that big of a deal. We always argue because of everything. Every little thing.. And then, after half an hour, everything's fine again.. Because I can't be mad at him for too long... I just can't.." A weak smile formed on my lips as I looked at Brian and I cuddled into the blanket a little more.

Deaky was still avoiding eye contact and blinked at his pillow. "Roger..." He started quietly and I separated my gaze from Brian and peeked at the bass player.
He continued: "I can see that you're really in love with him... But... I don't think that's a good thing.."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Well, he's always so.. so rude and distant towards you. And I think you deserve better."

I frowned and crossed my arms. "Why are you saying that?"
He pressed the pillow tighter against his chest.
"B- Because I feel like Brian's not appreciating you enough..!"
"And I feel like it's none of your business, John." I hissed and rolled my eyes.
He raised his head and looked at me with big eyes. "Sorry.." was the only thing I heard him breath before he gulped and started trembling a little. I couldn't tell if it was because he was freezing or because I had been too rude.
"I didn't mean to interfere... I guess I'm just worried... about both of you..." His gaze drifted towards the pillow again.

I sighed as I could clearly see that I had hurt his feelings. He was such a sensitive person, I always had to think before talking when I was with him because he took everything too seriously and personal. And thinking before talking wasn't exactly my strength.

"That's sweet of you, I just don't need relationship advice.. I'm going to figure this out by myself, okay?" I tried to explain and moved a bit closer to Deaky as to show him that I didn't mean it as rude as I had sounded.

Deaky was right, though. I knew that Brian wasn't acting the way he should have as a boyfriend. He was way too distant and couldn't admit that he was gay, even though everyone knew by now.
His parents didn't even know that he was in a relationship with me, even though he was very close to them.
But I didn't want to admit that things weren't working out between us.

I really wanted to change the topic, so after a few moments of silence, I turned towards John on the bed, crossed my arms and grinned at him.
"So, Deaky, do you have anything to tell me?" I was making a reference to John getting more and more into the gay scene thanks to Freddie lately. The singer kept taking Deaky to gay bars after he had seen that he had liked the one back at the Rockfield Farm.
Freddie was such a bad influence for the quiet and innocent Deaky, but I liked it.

Again he stared at me with big eyes and he started blushing like mad.
"Wh- What do you mean? Tell you what? I don't know? Do I have to tell you anything??" He was being quite loud now and he was nervous as hell.
I wheezed and indicated him to turn down his voice.
Deaky covered his mouth with the pillow immediately.
"Calm down, I just wanted to ask if you are gay as well. That would complete our band, then!" I laughed.
Deaky looked away and shrugged. Then I could hear an insecure "No, I'm not.."
"Pff!" I wheezed. "Sure."

"Can I have my blanket back?" He asked. He wanted to change the topic, I could see how embarrassed he was.
"No."
"Okay.." He pressed his lips together as he was looking at me. Then he started pulling on the blanket.
"I'm tired, I'm going to sleep.."
I shrugged. "Okay, then, Mr I'm-super-straight."
I decided to leave him alone. If he didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't be the one to force him.