Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

41 (November 16th, 1975)

ROGER'S POV

I searched for the nearest exit, I had to get out of there.
I was so angry and sad and I didn't know how to handle the situation.
My heart pounded heavily as I felt how my eyes started filling up with tears.

I passed John who looked at me with a concerned face.
"Roger?" I heard him shout after me but I didn't stop and just fled towards the exit.
I just wanted to be alone and think about everything that had just happened.

As I had finally made my way through the crowds, I stumbled out into the cold night.
I took a deep breath as everything around me turned silent as soon as the door fell shut behind me.
It was freezing. I could see my own breath as I started walking along the sidewalk.
I didn't have a certain destination. I just needed some fresh air to sort out my thoughts.

Brian had kissed someone else. Right next to me. He even joked around instead of apologizing. What an asshole...
Then again, I had done the same exact thing to him.. But that was different! I had been drunk. Completely drunk.
Brian didn't really seem to be sober either, though.

The thought of him planning all of this and getting drunk on purpose didn't want to leave my mind.
Maybe he hadn't fully forgiven me yet and this was his revenge.
I didn't have the right to be angry at him.
No, I did have the right. Especially since he was so whiney about our relationship but didn't mind making out with strangers.
Whatever, I was fed up with everything. He was just using me as his toy and I would not tolerate that.
My feelings for him were still there, though and instead of keeping up my anger for him, sadness slowly started to overwhelm me.

I had fucked up again. I hadn't been able to control my anger once again and now probably everyone knew that Brian and me were together.. had been together. Even though Brian didn't want anyone to know yet.

I needed a cigarette now. I wanted to pull my Marlboro pack out of my chest pocket - but it wasn't there. I must have lost it somewhere.

"Fucking hell..." I muttered to myself as I clenched my fists. "Can this damn night get any worse?!"

All of a sudden, a hand appeared out of the dark right from behind, waving around a cigarette right infront of my face.
I could feel smoke surround me from behind. It was the Marlboro kind, I could smell that.

I took the cigarette out of the strangers hand and as I turned around, I could discern Deaky.
He smiled at me weakly. "Did I guess right?" he asked nodding at the cigarette in my hand.
I couldn't help but smile through my teary eyes as I lit the cigarette and inhaled the toxic smoke.
I could feel the slight burn wander down my throat, towards my lungs. An immediate warmth filled my chest.

I wiped my teary eyes dry and sniffled. "Thanks. Just what I needed."
We were in the middle of a narrow backstreet by now and Deaky stopped. He leaned against the brickwall on the left side of the street and took a pull at his cigarette.
I joined him and leaned against the dusty wall as well.
"I don't want to see him anymore today..." I whispered whilst staring at the sky which was probably filled with stars but they were not visible that night.

Brian loved the stars... way more than he loved me.
Damn, even the sky made me cry now!
I let my head fall down and stared at the grey concrete below my feet.

"You.. We could get a hotel room for tonight.." John suggested.
I nodded slightly. "Yeah, that would probably be for the better."
I sighed.
We would leave for Bristol in the afternoon as it was just a two hour drive, so I could avoid Brian for a few hours.

"It's gonna be alright, Rog.." Deaky reassured and tore me out of my thoughts.
I shook my head. "No, it hasn't been alright for a long time now.."
He tilted his head a little and I could see that he wanted me to talk about it but I wasn't in the mood for that.
"I'll tell you later.." I mumbled and patted the dust from the wall off my black leather jacket.

We got the cheapest hotel room we could find for the night and as we were sitting on the beds which were facing each other from either side of the room, Deaky got up and joined me on my bed.
He sat down next to me slowly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked carefully.
I just sighed and shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, really. You see, Brian acted strange right from the beginning."

Then, I actually started telling Deaky about everything just to distract myself a little from what had happened in the club.
He didn't say a word and just listened to me.
All those memories, though, made the situation just way more difficult for me and my voice got shaky after a while.

John seemed to notice that my voice was slowly drowning in tears and so he started talking:
"You mentioned that time when you betrayed Brian with... well, with me."
He quickly faced the other direction as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks.
"Do you... Do you regret that kiss?"

"Of course I do!" I sobbed. "Brian probably just did the same thing today as a payback! If I wouldn't have kissed you, everything would be fine by now! He hasn't forgiven me ever since, even though he said so."
I took a deep breath to calm down again, then I snitched another cigarette out of John's pack which was lying next to me on the bed. I lit it.
"Actually, all of this is your fault, Deaky!"

"My fault?", the bass player asked surprised.

"Yeah... No... I don't know. I don't want to blame you." I looked at him after blowing the smoke into the other direction.
"Why did you kiss me, though? You destroyed my relationship!"

His lips narrowed and he propped up his forearms on his thighs. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about..." He muttered nervously.

Then he fell silent, thinking about what he was going to say.

"Go on?" I asked as he didn't seem to find the right words.

"Well... You know, that night I was really drunk. I thought I was making out with a girl.." He laughed a little.
"A girl? Do I look like a fucking girl to you?" I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms.

John shrugged. "Sometimes.. When I'm drunk, maybe..." He grinned at me with an adorable expression which didn't allow me to be angry at him.

"So, what's your point, John?" I asked, now a bit more serious.

"Uhm.. But now I know that it was not a girl but you and-" He innhaled agressively "IthinkIloveyou-" He coughed, holding his hand infront of his mouth.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow.

"... I think I fell for you, Roger.." He whispered, now a bit more understandable.