Diary Filled With Sin**' : 2015 ✔️

Chapter Three: Beyonce's pregnancy test**'

Chapter Three: Beyonce's pregnancy test**'

Shawn

As I sat there grieving for Beyonce's presence, wanting to explain how sorry I was, how selfish I was to not notice that something so bad could've happened to her. I came when everything was settled. Well, almost. Before I even met her, she's been going through massive things. I couldn't help but to think of it being my fault even though I hadn't known her back then. What questioned me was that she always had a smile on her face.

Was that smile she had been giving me all these years phony?

I looked at her diary that I had just thrown across the room. I bent down, slowly sliding my fingers under the book, lifting it back up and turning it around. Showing it's lines with her hand writing pressed in-between them. I turned the page, skipping some pages, not wanting to hear the rest of her molested scenery.

***

Dear Diary,

It's been a month since I had that incident with those men. It was a terrible memoir in my mind that I still gotten nightmares from. My body still trembled whenever I saw any man on the street. Any man that was around me suddenly could not be trusted. Not only that, but I have lost complete self-esteem in myself. I don't know what to so with myself. I even missed my period this month.

I had told my cousin Angie to get a pregnancy test for me since I was never ever going to take runs to Wal-mart anymore. I'm terrified. Hell, I'm mortified. I'm crying as I write this. Nothing could ever, change the fact that I had no confidence in showing my body anymore. I can't even look at myself in the mirror, I can't look at my face. Not, one smile could dance upon it anymore.

Not, only that but I feel like no one cares. I was about to quit my job because of what happened.

My stripping job.

What am I going to do with myself?

I had a boyfriend, Yes... I "had" a boyfriend. I've became so afraid of men that I couldn't even keep mine, and on top of that he was the boss of where I worked.

The Hot'Light Club of New York.

I broke up with him, but I did not quit my job. I don't think I can ever do that, no matter how much pain I am in. I love my job. Every time I see that pole, everything changes. I am not Beyonce anymore. I've became a different character, a different person. Someone who wasn't afraid of showing a little skin while recieving a few bills.

Sigh... I just wish that I had a normal life. I'm tired of living for someone else. I want to make myself happy. But I just don't know how, nor do I know the steps to get there..

Angie just walked in . . . Bye.

***

There was a tear stain on the same page, I guess when she was writing. Angie had walked in, and she didn't want her to see her writing in her book.. I flipped the page.

***

I just got the results. I am pregnant. Not by my boyfriend, but by someone else. I don;t even know the father because so many men released into me that day. I can't keep this baby.....I won't...

***

Is this why Beyonce never wanted children with me? Because of what someone else did to her long before she met me? No, she shouldn't have done that. I really wanted a child with that woman. My life, The girl that I shared everything with. Now, I can't even get the children..

I sighed and placed her book unto my face.

Anger suddenly raged up my body and I shot off of the bed. standing unto my feet. How could someone be so cruel to my wife!?

When she wrote about her molesting experience. She had mentioned a name. The name of one of the men that had taken part in this rape. His name was.... Keenan

That's who I am going to look for...This Keenan..

****

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