WHAT IS REAL

XLIII

Vader jumped out of bed. He turned to check if he had woken Padme up, by some miracle she was still sleeping. He left the room and went to workout. He hoped that would stop the voice from talking to him. He hated that voice. Why does that voice insist on being heard? Vader picked up some dumbbells and started doing curls, but the voice would not be stopped. This time not only would the voice rise but pictures of their life before would flood his mind. The first time he met her as 9-year-old boy when he had called her an angel. See! I have always loved her. You can't give her that and you know it. She is starting to know it also. Then came to mind the time he saw her after ten whole years. 

The feelings assaulted his mind and he remembered how it felt to love, but to truly feel them in this moment he did not feel them at all. See you can't even feel what you remember. She needs more than just a body she needs a heart. You have no heart. This was Anakin's fatal mistake because with that Vader dove on the worm in his mind and he again succeeded in crushing him. Vader would prevail; he would make sure that weakling Anakin would not show his face again.

Now he had the problem of his wife. How could he make her be ok with things as they are and not wish for things as they were? She loved him this he knew because she just exuded the feeling. It seemed to seep through every pore in her body. So why could he not just say the words she wanted to hear? Because she never was nor ever would be a weak minded person who was just placated by words; he needed a way to show her how he felt about having her again without just saying words that had not meaning. Then a picture of her walking through the gardens at the lake house came to his mind. She was happy and content amongst the flowers. He had it. He would make a Naboo garden here on Vjin. It would be costly and he would have to bring Naboo soil here just to make some of the plants able to grow, but it would show her his devotion. At least he hoped it would.

He had nothing to worry about though because she loved the idea and she even helped him make a list of all the flowers she loved. She also pictured the lake house and that garden she hoped with all her being that this garden would be as peaceful and a beautiful as that one. She watched it take shape and pictured herself sitting amongst the flowers with their perfume filling the air and allowing her the calm and peace they used to bring to her heart. You see Vader cares as much for you as Anakin used to.

 He wants your happiness just as much and he is willing to go to great lengths to get it for you. Why don't you just forget Anakin and love Vader. Padme sighed at this thought and answered it, because there is nothing like Anakin's touch and Anakin's lips and Anakin's heart. I know Anakin is in there somewhere being squelched and I will see him again someday. Anakin will eventually win out.

Though Pamde watched and waited for the day Anakin would emerge she loved Vader as he was and she grew more used to know the love there though it was never expressed in words. Six months was along time between visits, but she accepted things as they were. And when he was home they clung to each other as if trying to become the other person. One day as soon as he comed her she gave him news that sent his mind reeling.

 "Vader I am going to have a Baby."