Girl on wheels

Four

Good ol lunch time eh? My worst nightmare if I'm honest. I wheeled in after James and followed him to the queue. We queued alright, I mean I had a few kids try to push my chair forward but I gave them the death stare and they knocked it off. I told James what I wanted and he got it for me and handed it to me. I put it on my lap and carefully wheeled after him. He took us to a table with a few other people on there. A couple of girls by the looks of it.

He removed a chair for me and I put the plate on the table and wheeled up and began eating, trying not to look up at the people on the table as my anxiety kicked in. They wont like you. why would they want to be your friend. You don't deserve to have friends. No. Stop right now. They'll love you and they will be your friends, just act like yourself and it will all be alright.

"U-u-hi I'm Jaimie." I say trying to keep my anxious mess inside. "Hey Jaime, I'm Lea it's nice to meet you. I love how your wheelchair matches you hoodie. It's actually goals." she said with a little laugh. I look at her and see she has got really pretty blue eyes and brown hair which is an unusual combination but it really suits her. "Hey I'm Chloe! I love your hoodie, where did you get it from?" "U-u-from primark actually. I think it will look nice on you." I reply still stuttering and beginning to sweat now. I hecking hate my anxiety. She smiled at me and I continued eating my food. I didn't look back up, I couldn't so I just stared at my plate the rest of lunch. They all started to talk to one another after a while so it wasn't as awkward. I was going to put my plate away when someone pushes over my chair and the next thing I know I land with a thud on the ground. The whole canteen goes quiet. My heart rate increases and I can feel the tears coming on. I slid out of my chair into the floor and push the wheelchair back up, struggling to say the least. James runs over with Lea and Chloe to help me. "It's okay." I manage to get out without bursting into tears. I manage to get back into the chair like I had been taught to and wheeled out the canteen, tears in my eyes and my three friends following closely behind. I mean I guess I could call them my friends. They did help me out after all.

I wheeled to an empty corridor and completely lost it. Right there and then I opened the flood gates and boy did the water spill out. I had Lea and Chloe comforting me while I saw James sat on the opposite side of the corridor sat there awkwardly. And a dog? I don't know if that's real or a hallucination. Fuck this. I felt so bad. Why are you crying? There's no need to be crying. Toughen up. Deal with it. This will be your life forever. My head decided to keep reminding me of this while I was crying, making me feel even more guilty. There was no reason for me to be crying. I needed to stop now. Chloe and Lea were comforting me as best they could. I mean they are literally comforting the girl in a wheelchair they obviously are overwhelmed with pity for me. What have I done? Oh gosh I've ruined our friendship already and it hasn't even begun. Fuck. I need to go home and sleep. I can't deal with this right now. "Could you take me home?" I ask once I had calmed down from my snotty crying. I saw Chloe nod towards James. "Uh yeah sure. I'll take you. Let's go." He says getting up and coming over to me finally. I could see the pity in his eyes. I didn't want pity I wanted people to tell me it was going to be okay and I could get through this. Not pity.

We had all squeezed into his car and my wheelchair surprisingly. It was in many pieces but we made it work. I was in the front with James and Chloe and Lea were in the back with Chloe's assistance dog squeezed in the middle seat between the two of them. Yeah the dog wasn't a hallucination it was a real doggo. A golden retriever to be precise, the exact same breed my assistance dog will be. His name is Bandit and my doggos name will be Astro. I had calmed down mostly now but felt exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep.

We arrived at my house after a car ride of me being half asleep and the others talking as if I didn't just have a breakdown in front of them. They pieced my wheelchair back together with some input from me  and I got in wheeling up to the front door and putting the key in the lock. I hear everyone come in behind me but I really didn't care. All I wanted was to sleep. All I needed was sleep. I transferred into bed and snuggled up in my duvet and fell asleep in seconds.